Monday, May 05, 2014
It has been a very challenging, past few years. I would thought that things would turn around eventually but looking back, I've realised it has all been a sham. But there's no point in looking back, no point in anything. Things will always be on average. Cause that's just life. All my life I have been clouded by the idea that you can dream big, and you can have that dream. But nothing has seemed to be on track. And I'm talking about this generally. Maybe its fair to assume that I haven't been working hard on that dream i.e. messing up when doing my degree, and still unemployed, but then again from a different perspective, I have done my best i.e. to secure what I had once called my relationship.
But thing is, I have been trying to turn things around. And I'm unsure if its because I'm not trying hard enough or I'm trying to hard. Cause eitherways, nothing has worked in my favor. So from now on, I think I'm just gonna give in. I'm just gonna go average. Just gonna follow the way of living in Brunei, get a stable job that gets good enough, just find someone good enough to marry, and live the average life that I have never dreamed about.
Monday, January 27, 2014
For some reason I went through my older posts. I realised how much things havent changed from me. Its frustrating I know.. but there's nothing much I can do. Heck.. I dont know what there is to do. Im at a dead-end. At least thats how it feels like right now. This I was talking about career wise. What I meant to write about was.. my feelings. How much it hasnt changed since then. How much of what I wrote, is how I feel when I read it. Its just.. I dont know..
Okay I'm sorry.. i cant continue with this post.. i need to pee so bad.. and eat.. cause im hungry. :D
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Just thought I'd blog.
It's a new year..=) its 2014. Alot has happened in 2013. It has always been the case, that you dont realise how much has happened till you sit down and thought about it.
1. My Boo
2. Got my first actual job experience
3. Everything else that I had gone through everyday.
Though I haven't really achieved any of what I wish to achieve, but I feel content right now. At this moment that I'm blogging this. I've learned that life isn't always easy. It's shit, but if I am able to take the good moments from it, it's enough.
I dont really have a reason to blog, just wanted to update on things.. Since i'm waiting for this game to update. I've set the 'gaming station' up, and didnt want all the energy I put to doing it to waste. Lol.
So yeah.. for my birthday, I got a new phone. And I get to spend them with the people I value most in my life.. =) That's why I'm pretty content about it.
A few days ago, my parents flew off, and they're coming back tomorrow. I'm excited..=) cause 1. my stuff and 2. I miss them. I'm sure when they're back its back to the usual nag and such, but its alright.
I dont really know what else to blog about. Maybe if I remember then I'll blog again.. :) but for now I think that's it. I just want to state down that this year, I hope things will be different. One simple resolution for the new year is; to be more productive. I hope I'll be able to achieve it..=)
p/s: I was also employed by a Pakistani man towards the end of the year. Oh my.. what a hypocrite he was.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
I was sitting down, ready to write a personal statement about myself. Before I sat here, I had ideas on what to write, and it went well. But as soon as I started typing, my mind just suddenly shuts off. I think thats my biggest problem. I have all these ideas, but I am unable to produce them in good writing. As I'm sitting here, typing all this down I feel a block just there in my mind. I know why I'm typing this, I know how I want it to end, but the problem is the in-between. This always happens and I dont know how to unblock it. So now I'm just stuck here, typing whatever bull*. I'm really pissed at myself.. It's one of the easiest things to do.. naturally, but something up in my head is just stopping me. And I dont know what it is.
I guess one of the main reasons is, I dont know how to describe myself. I hate describing myself. I just find it unnatural. What's natural about telling the world what are your greatest attribute?How would you know if its true. I believe that doing all that, is just.. bias. Why would you believe what others say about themselves.
I just lost interest in writing this.. I need to focus on my statement.. ciao.
I miss my boo.