Faith's Blog
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Friday, January 19, 2018

3:32 AM

Thursday, August 03, 2017

This morning I came across this post talking about A PERSON's experience being dark skinned and that, thankfully I may say, made me write this post. Irrelevant to the entire topic itself, it made think about the time I used to blog, hence this post. My thought after commenting on the aforementioned blog was 'perhaps she just wanted to write something, perhaps she just wants to channel her thoughts to her writing' but it just doesn't come naturally to me to be comfortable with something that just condescends Bruneian (sort of) because I am Bruneian!

But anyhoo, hopping back into my train of thought, I used to love writing, I used to love blogging, I used to blog my heart out, or anything for that matter, just to make sure my blog stays alive. But this stopped after I tried to chase after my passion.

I can't recall if I've ever written it here, but many years ago, when I was still in my teens, dreaming big, with a positive outlook, I was screwed over. Not in like a heartbreaking way, or in a damaging my soul way, but in a 'you-have-to-get-out-of-the-bubble' screw over. Well it was one of the first experiences of being screwed over, and for an instance, it did motivate me to walk through the path I took. As I have mentioned, I used to love writing, I had wanted to venture into journalism or the likes of it. I was blogging my feelings, my thoughts, my every day. Having completed my o levels at that time, I was barely 17, I had wanted to develop my passion, I wanted to experience it first hand. At that time, the logical thing for me was to attempt to place myself in an organisation that might give me this oppurtunity. So I carefully went through this blog, considering which post I should "showcase" to this organisation, drafted out an email, and waited patiently for a response. FOR CLARIFICATION: They never got back to me.

So months after, or perhaps just week after, I flipped through one of the organisations published works, and to my surprise, there it was, my post with a few minor amendments. However, to my dismay, the article was written under a different name. Surely, any other person can have the same idea as I did, but they can't deliver it in the same words, in the same structure as I did. Plus, I recognised my work!I developed the words, I developed the structure, I went through this blog, in search of the perfect article to present to this organisation which then, I had highly looked at. I was heartbroken, who would've thought someone employed with their own column, would actually take the words of a 16-17 year old and claim it as their own without consent or even knowledge of anyone else other than the author herself, ME!

I just remember an idea going through my head and kept the said published work, where I thought was the safest for my future use.

Well months went on, with other events in life, it eventually slipped my mind. Also, to my bad luck, the said published work went missing. I've tried looking for elsewhere, but where can I search for something that's undated in my mind?

So yeah.. I think that should be about it for now, its almost lunch time. Gotta run! Hope i'll come back soon!

4:58 AM

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

It's been awhile since I last written anything on this blog. Sitting here in Ward 10, waiting for my mom's turn to be brought to the operation room finally gave me an oppurtunity to do so.

It was a few days ago that I just thought of this blog, checking up on the things I've written. Basically nothing much. Which reminded me that the last actual thing meaningful thing that I wrote was one on my ex. The way he treated me, and how he has broken me. I tried looking for the post only to find out that it's not in this blog somehow. I am pretty sure I've posted it and I dont think I ever came back to delete my own writing which I had put my heart and soul to. Also I don't even go back to go through all those stuff. I doubt Blogger would automatically delete a post, so I naturally assume, that....

So anyways.. its 2017, unexpected things happened towards the shitty 2016. It was a struggle to adapt to the changes, and it was a struggle to overcome the fears I have developed over the past years. But I think it was worth it. It made me thankful for the shit that I went through the past years cause it has gotten me here. It was worth it. It wasn't sorta fair though but I'm working through it, and he's willing to go through it with me. I feel so blessed.

Lastnight I had a dream, that had made me think things through, maybe it is about time to put my fears aside, to tear my walls down and allow things to fall in place. I think things are falling into place perfectly.

Well, for now I've got to go back to my slides. Correct it and show my capabilities. I meant to write a longer post, but may be not now. Maybe on a later date.

Until then...

10:18 AM

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Its been awhile, I'm glad that at the end of the day I came back.. Back to writing (typing in this case). I thought it was something that I've lost, I never realised that I wasn't inspired enough.

It's 2016, things have been... the same. Drama is somehow inevitable, even when you do the right things. That's one lesson learned this year.

Another lesson learnt is that, getting fucked over by your love of 7 years, DOES NOT prepare you for upcoming heartbreaks. Initially, I thought, I've went through worse, 7 years of just lies, bullshit etc, but I was wrong. Dead wrong. Cause it could get worse or the same thing all over again. Waking up to that hole in your chest, with drops of water making its way rapidly across your cheeks from your eyelids. As you calm yourself down, you realise that all it is, is just missing the person. Missing their presence, their "Good Morning" and their "Good Night" and how those days are just part of your memories.

Memories that you can't recapitulate.

I miss you. More than you could imagine.. More than I could ever thought. 

As tears well up on your eyebags, you realise, that you're 'not okay' enough to talk about it.

5:18 PM

Thursday, June 05, 2014

10:16 PM

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Having faith..

3:16 PM

Monday, January 20, 2014

I'll try baby..

I'll try for us.

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9:52 AM