From where I'm standing now, to keep riding those waves would also mean crushing hard to the rocks and it would just be another "i told you so" from me to myself. But dealing with it would just ruin this enjoyable ride without consequence. 

I should have properly dealt with it the first time around. Not in the way that I did, not just "re-acting accordingly". On my part, I made a mistake, I chose the wrong move, the wrong game. I didn't know. I didn't know what it was, I thought it was something else, but hey.. this is what is actually is. It took me a very long time to realise that and it took me more time to realise that this somehow had to be done. It had to be dealt with. 

I hate to admit though, I don't have the balls to. I just need to figure out how.

August 17, 2020