Utter disbelief is just what I can say.

I am not that experienced but I'm not simply stupid. I may the youngest, the most junior but I can still think, probably abit damaged on the brain, but it still works well enough to able to see that's just disgustingly such a drop of standard quality of work. These witches, they don't deserve it, who are they to evaluate any one. I have never felt such disappointment over something like this. I have never felt so disgusted. 

Why. Why. Why?

Why are we just passed by every day. We have been waiting for you for months. All we want is just abit of justice. We are a result of a "strategic change", I'm not sure how demotivation and demoralisation fits in the plan but that's what we've become. They lost a working task force, in hundreds and allowing more "convenient" ones in place. From your ignorant comments and egoistic attitude you simply seem like there has been no down side to this. I have tried to instil some faith, but all you've done up to this point has proved otherwise and especially at this scale. Only an inconsiderate, unapologetic, selfish baka can do that, totally on the contrary. 

We studied too, I understand propaganda. 

This: 

Has been the major breaking point. Doesn't seem like she's wants this to go away. I was over it but now, I want my answers.

Every time I work up the willingness to accept, you do something that would pull that away. Like when I was 15 and 19 and now?

It's difficult to open up about this, cause barely anyone, I know, share the same ideology. I have seen the same spirit and even greater, but it didn't derive from one common thing. 

What I have seen in the past years did not fall short of what I had expected and yet, it still frustrates me like its the first time i've realised it. No one wants to deal with the elephant in the room so they just ignore and pass it cause that's 'less work'. What's more disgusting is the fact that it's their fault the elephant is stuck on the manhole that's filled with their shit.

Till someone cares enough to even address the elephant, expectations are just as real as flying ponies. 

 After all these years, that quote finally resonates perfectly.

That's not what I want for my life and the guy before was the epitome of it. To even have slight fear for your own life, is just crazy. why I didn't see that, is beyond me and I'm just so grateful. So. Very. Grateful. I don't have it as bad as I used to. The 'battle-ground' is red now, but the world has color. It's not in 'gray-scale'. 

Alhamdulillah.

It's Friday.

 This should be the best time to write. 

Cool rainy night and just transitioning to something more chill.

I was looking back at my posts, didn't thought I'd be able to get back to writing. Well sort of. Slowly but surely. 

==============================

I left it hanging. I have to admit, though it seems like I'm back on track, it hasnt felt as smooth as it used to. 

Blue skies, birds chirping, bliss. 

These may be difficult times for society, but this is really the sort of reset we all need. 

What I have had to go through over the years have proved myself that the past does define an individual at present. Not forgetting, circumstances, it's something you just have to fall into. Nothing that has happened or is happening to a person is because they "deserve it" and just because that's a scenario doesn't mean karma isn't real too. We're just put in different scenarios as a test to see how well we can adapt, are you human? the devil's advocate? or something in between. 

This doesn't excuse anyone from their actions, but it's not necessarily an energy you have to keep in your space. 

How much have I grown since then. It has felt so long since I feel like I'm back to where I left off. It has been one hell of rollercoaster ride of thinking I was redefining myself when I was losing myself. Borderline so thin, you could barely understand the difference unless you've been there yourself. All I could remember is a black cloud over those years. The hopeless romantic chasing after treasure at the end of the rainbow, with the help of a troll. Right. Like that worked out well right?

Well, here's the twist, it did, after it was all over. It was tough too though, I certainly wouldn't have thought I'd stop half way there and went back to where I left off. I didn't realise that I had ran off track and I'm so glad that was something that I could still go back to then and now, I'm ever so grateful.

 This sudden realisation of your role in my life, sends a gush of shiver across my body. 

It's funny that it came along with being able to stand by the door to wave you goodbye. It was nothing we ever spoke about, I can live with being wrong about it cause this, is good to. 

*in Joe's creepy tone* this way i'll never lose you. 

Jokes aside, I sat down this morning ready to start the day "new", but alas, it's just routinely in the way. So I sat down this morning, with some actual work, which right now, I, am quite proud of. Sorta did finish about half of it, until this revelation.  

I guess I had always knew what 'we' were, which is why I made a choice which I had thought was a mistake. I just realised that mistake was also for you too, just as how your choice now is for me. We had to be put in our place and I'm glad, cause that's better than having thought I deserved that mistake. I didn't. I just had to go through it to realise what this unspoken connection was. Thank you for drawing me a bridge to the next guy. I hope he's the total opposite of the last one and I hope he's better than you are. 😱😂