Monday, February 17, 2025
It has been awhile since I felt this. I'd like not to please.
I just didn't anticipate the closure to be this, I guess it had to be for me to finally pull up the brakes.
This reality is tough to accept, tough to swallow and frankly i'm quite devastated over it. Which is why I've decided to write this here. I think I'm just mostly angry, and all these other feelings that I feel at the same time, towards myself. So I guess, I also sorta wanted to use this as a reminder to myself. I should've gotten the sign, but I let myself shrug it off, told myself I wanted a proper close. The end was inevitable, I guess I just wanted to prolong it, things were easy.
But now, now it's complicated, at least its complicated for me. This is the feeling, I wanted to avoid. The reason, I kept myself in that situation. But no more. I don't want to continue putting myself in that situation, cause I still have to feel what I didn't want to feel. That situation serves me no more.
It's not gonna be an easy journey to break out of that situation, cause to feel what i feel must mean something deeper than what I thought it was. I'd hate to be in my feels, but damn this feeling is something I've been trying to avoid. I guess evading a situation, wouldn't be an ideal approach to things, cause they do catch up on you. It sucks, but I guess this is it. This is the reality now, and I've just gotta keep moving on from it.
February 17, 2025
