I'm currently listening to Javier's if I never get to heaven, and i just cant get enough of it..=)

He's the reason for all this. Although I havent gone through anything sweet with him lately, but i just feel so contented when i think of him. He does nothing, and yet i smile when i think of him. Even now, im smiling and i just wonder why. He just put away the worries and the pain. My heart skips a beat when someone else says his name. He makes me feel all hot and cold at the same time, when i see him from a distance. Its odd, maybe he's got me under some sort of spell?LOL!! Almost all songs reminds me off him. Freaky~..:]

Sighh~ it may be a beatiful night, but im feeling awfully awful inside..sigh..Family's there, busy webcamming with my sister and Yasmine in Thai..=] i want to be there, but this smile just feels limited tonight..sighh..

Just 'chatted' with afif, asked for the truth in things from him and there's really nothing new that i've found out, only that he claims he hasnt or had never told anyone of anything..sighh..he asked me if i still loved him..sigh..it just feels like a very depressing conversation, i wish i could have just not ever mention it, but the burning feeling inside of anger..just fills me up, and there's nothing he said that died it out. Only made it more worse or at most probably made it depressing..sigh maybe im just being overly dramatic, but the issue is just hard to forget.. sigh..i wish i didnt have to feel this way..sighh

its an add on to what im facing with the buddy, not really depressing just confusing. its like im stuck in a tangle of err..i dont know..my mind's just all over the place. and again im feeling awfully awful..-_-" sighh..im just too lost in confusion..there's just no words in my head to express all this. better be going to my techno..hMMmmm~ hope everything will turn out nice tomorrow..

Labels: sexy love - 279

Okay~ so i posted a blog this morning.*cough* let me rephrase that..i just published a post that i had written this morning. there's actually more to what i wrote but it got deleted due to the sucky connection i have at home.

So yeah~ im at my sister's place now, typing away all this, while she's asleep and her husband's on the tv. (ohh wait let me rephrase that; sister's sleeping and the husband's kacau-ing her. the bro-in-law says thats the real storyy..) Pretty boring blog this is, i should say, but im bored and im hoping something would come out of this.x) maybe some thoughts might drift by..so before they do, here's some things i plan on doing today;
1. Shooting at 3pm (that makes it sound like something big, its actually just a small production)
2. Err..get buddy's line back..if he remembers to mail his copy of ic.
3. NOTHING!!

hahah..i hate hols..beri buringg..in addition to the fact that im grounded..damn it!!
Ooohh~ i think something just passed by..i mean thoughts..something about why Miss Universe or Miss World think world peace is something they should want..lol~ i wonder what changes have they made, what have they contributed, and why must she be skilled or skinny??lol~ im such a bimbo head~ i just figured out its just another stupid media, propaganda thing. lalalal~ okay so i really have nothing to say..and this sucksss...tudududu~ oohhh..got coke zero..!!after months of NOT searching..huhuhu~ i love you coke zero..lol!!

haha..okay~ i havent actually mentioned that i have the laptop taken away, but it had been. Just got it back!



Asked for abang zul to have it downgraded to an XP and now its an XP not really familiar with it now..so find it very hard to handle but its okay~ only a couple of things not configured. So im partly satisfied, partly not..huhu~ school hols just started. had a cross-country for its closing..hMMmmm~ xP oohh..im listening to awesome track Mirez dropped on the sharing folder..x) thankss!!and oohh..i dont remember what you owe me..cigs kali??:P

Which reminds me, buddy's probably bringing me back cigs for me..haha..its raining now..huuhuu..and apparentlythe filipinos who are renting my grandmother's old house had a fight..:/ and are/is drunk. haiyuuu..:/ ahhh~ i had something to post actually..but i just cant recall what it is..huhu..will most probably post later when i remember.

okay. So im in GP class now, i thought people were presenting but we're on PC now so yeah. and i guess my buddy's probably not in school..karang ko dy~ playing hangman with zul~ veryy bored..have presentation after this..damn it..inda bagi chance kn lunch :( dont seem like a good day.sighh..will most probably blog again laterr~ and im suddenly nervous..TADAA!!okay~ im not much for blogging now..tutu~

im still missing him and i wish he was here. hMMmmm~

okay~ one task down, another to go, but i prefer to blog first before i do it..x)

As i may or may have not mentioned before, i have a presentation tomorrow, and i offered myself to be one of the presentors. Okay I did it cause i wanted to improve my presentation skills, one. Two, was i knew a little bit about presenting and our presentation might turn out better than the last time (or not). Three, cause im just not sure..lol.anyways, i still havent fully understand this topic im about to present which sucks ass. i googled almost every thing i had in mind that might come up simpler than the one wikipedia, but to no avail.
So i guess, tomorrow's just gonna be another sucky presentation. Which would suckk more than in GP cause i have baby in my class..damn it!-_-" (which reminds me, nothings improved between me and him today nor had he replied my morning text, damn it!) im hoping i could get some scoop of better understanding from our handouts which i thought would be done by one person..-_-" but like TADAAA~ there's 5 different people doing it. So i wonder how the hell its gonna end up tomorrow. liatt saja~=/ (doubtful though on my part) anyways..overall this thing is not organised..inda dapat jadi mafia cemani ani..LOL!!mun kan jadi wa..wuishh..baru melangkah kaki gerenti kana tangkap sudah..x)
oohh..in which reminds me i have to do some research on MS 13 - Mara Salvatrucha.

Ahh~ tomorrow might be a busy day for me. Have this award ceremony thingy at the hall..though im not going to be singing in the choir~ i am part of it as teacher's assistant~ my luck to have come in yesterday to watch them sing? aiyayayay! Attss wanted to switch places with me though, but i refused, running up and down the stage and pressing the play button is easier than singing and facing the audience.x) oohh..i suck infront of audiences btw. So i may stutter and black out during my presentation in which would make our presentation sucky..x)

Awwhhh gawd!!i just played a love song..i miss him more..=( lalalla~ i better get back to work to stop thinking of him..

okay, im supposed to be doing my sociology now, or at most look online for my presentation tomorrow, but my mind's just too muddled up. i can only think of him..i miss him..x( pak!and even if its not him, i think of the other him, and i thought i'm over him sudah..x( am i not?

Sighh~ i dont feel like going to school tomorrow x( i dont want to see that girl talk -_-" annoying much. if it was up to me, she'd be crying her eyes out right now, most probably begging, kissing my shoes licking the dirt of it for mercy. But too bad im just gonna get expelled from school at most, thrown to jail perhaps?or death sentence?labih2 tia jua -_-" but god im starting to hate her..it used to just amused me that she had always seem awkward around me, but now i think she finds a way around that; my baby. my 'flirtatious, hot, sweet talking' baby.Normally i would only have these sweet talking guys for amusement, guess karma got to me this time. -_-" i fell in love with him. Out from a bad relationship, into another. sighh~ boys~ But i thank god i have sii Mervyn Yeong..=] he makes everything a little bit better..=] thanks dy~ entah?if it wasnt for him apakah usul ku..-_-" inda beusul kali lagi.. or probably look the same, ganya.. antah..lol~

anyways~ a couple days ago, i finally told him that i broke a promise that he had earlier broke(the buddy; Mervyn Yeong that is). he was entah?furious but he didnt do it infront of me..he said that he'd prefer to have it then me doing so =) (manis ko ani ah dy, mun ko tau origin word atu inda pulang kau mau mengaccept kali tue..x) ) anyways so yeah..that was that..we're okay now. Only things with my baby just dont seem as fine as it used to be. He's gonna end up leaving me probably..or perhaps hang on, but with less than what we used to have. bodoh banar!! and the songs i have now just seem to mock me. they're mostly love songs. well i downloaded them, and i just got this laptop at the start of that, so yeah. sighh~ and i had that dream lastnight..=( that depressed me more. sighh..question, why i fell in love with him?and most probable answer, he's different, i chase him. damn it.. that was hard to admit and yet its true. Basshunter's now youre gone suddenly seems to fit me..

sighh..a few days ago i tried to delete his past texts but i couldnt, it only made me miss him more, made me miss the old days when i used to think he really did love me?or had he really?or does he still?sighh..he said alot of things that made me smile, and its creepy that he had this affect on me, where we'd meet for even just a few seconds and i'd feel like everything's alright then. its his eyes, and the way he smiles, it just makes me feel like i know what he's thinking, like all of it is out of sincerity the things that he said, his love everything or am i just a sucky 'mindreader'?and i just dont know who to believe now.i miss him like hell..sighh..

anyways, im finally getting my laptop downgraded, having problems wah this vista and at the same time im not sure if i want it as an XP. sighhh..i should get started on my sociology.it has to be one long essay,,or else.."wek"

Labels: march

Okay..i feel like making an introduction before going straight to what i have in mind, but i find that impossible so here goes..lol!

I am currently in bad terms with both my baby and my buddy.They're both mad at me for the same thing..T_T my fault..%*(@^*&# baby was a bit lenient though (or is it spelled leniant?hmmm...) told me to not just do that thing infront of him. but buddy..told me to stop, period. He seems to still be furios at me though.its almost 10 here btw, and i told him that like around this time yesterday. It seems to me like he's going or gone overboard, he did more times then i did..=( pfft..

So yeah, spent my day today texting,well texted BUT NOT texting, neither one of them. I did texted baby early morning when i woke up, but he didnt reply. guess he's just ^&^#*& @!% *^#@)& &#%@ Y #^ &# %^$%^$ (&*&&(%^. Texted buddy, but he's reply was like 'wek'. So yeah..=) im still able to smile though, its very weird. well not like smile like its a wonderful day, but just to be able to smile in general.

Been browsing through a couple of love letters and poems, and found only one that i liked and probably could relate to;
What I Love About You

I love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and brown.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

- Crystal Jansen -

Lalalla~ i kinda forgot what i was gonna say..soo nightss..x) and uhh, the one in italic is edited by me, though i dont know if it would show up italic,cause i kinda forgot the code.xP
and oohhh Amir Reza you owe me something.

Err..ive just read my blog.and it seems like the blogs are jumbled up. most probably due to the fact that i had them reposted..as in copied from my old blog and posted here.ohh well..the real order would probably be the sighings on 25th one after the mis-using the wi-fi connection one..=) so far thats all i know.will update soon on it.probably.

Its a new year,with new goals and had added in to new members of the friends,family,relationships kind of thing cycle. Its the 7th of March today. Had a PTM (Parents Teachers Meeting,i just recently learn thats what the abbrieviation stands for) finally getting good reviews, only the same 'playful' comment. Its always there. pfft. But overall teachers were now pleased with me. WOOHOO!!

I have just learnt,well feel concerned really, with the fact that my blog was used in the BORNEO BULLETIN (which is Brunei's main english newspaper, i find the Brunei Times not very interesting or maybe cause i never really read its material) some months ago, thats suppose to be some sort of good news right?but apparently, its published under someone's elses name. thats *#$@-ed i know, should have them sued or something. But let it be, this kind of people dont go far, stealing people's work.especially from a 17year old girl?pathetic i see it.and she's like how old?20+ - 30.even a more reason to laugh at.

Anyways, new year has been like 3months ago.and this blog hasnt been updated.Last post was november 2007?well alot has happened then. Waited patiently for someone, fell deep in like(and i'm falling more than that now, hearts you so much baby!!), letting go and moving on and things other than that. Anyways, went to Thai last December, stayed for about 2 weeks and had an awesome time there. birthday was there, was just okay. i dont really mind though. oohh..got my LG KU990 there, for my birthday..x) and once i got back home, got myself a laptop.love you daddy..xP had a blast anyways in Thai (where my sister and her family has been posted to), texted with my buddy (whom is now like a heart or a liver, or any kind of organ i cant live without) almost everyday while i was there..and i still do text with him everyday here,even when i see him also everyday. lol~ i just went off the topic.there's no topic really but whatever..x)
anyways,was back in Brunei during new years. Stayed at Rizqun, saw fireworks then went off to sleep. But i cant sleep cause i was hungry, then had si Ake pick me up then we went to eat. sweet ia..he went all the way from tutong,and i thought he was just taking his time when he didnt seem to show up.

err..i cant really recall much of what happened day to day from that till now..but i know that i've moved on.I got to know this wonderful guy though i havent know him well enough =/ guys telling me he's okay, but heard from some girls and he seems like a flirtatious,sweettalking jerk. But he does make me happy. Other than my budyy (MERVYN YEONG) he's the reason for everything. well not everything, but world would seem like the hard place it was before i came to this point if it wasnt for these two sweethearts.

okay its late now, i have school tomorrow, and there's so much to say i dont know where to start. I'll probably update soon on that, i just have to type all this while i still remember so here it is.xP

And god, i thank you. You've blessed me.=) im feeling contented at the moment. =) i hope it stays this way for the rest of my life.

Most probably dedicated to;
NorMohammad Azim&Mervyn Yeong. (Not much on you both but it does have the word probably in it.xP)