I hate it when people talk of the past - or just some state where I've once been in the past, no i'm not annoyed with their ramblings. I dont mind that, its just that, it reminds me of mine!
Perhaps no deep cut could ever heal fully, just like on Yasmine's forehead. She no longer feel's the pain, although you can barely see it, the scar's still there. She sometimes talk of how "ninie bawa spital, ni ada dayah, jayit tu, aku nangies uweee *does bida face*"

Im not really making a big deal out of it, cause Im glad with what I have now, the past.. it just seemed like a whole lot of mess, but you know~ no human can ever erase what they've gone through kan?As much as you want them gone, or youre no longer thinking of them, sometimes a brush of perhaps 'badluck' could trigger these moments.. bad or good ones.

I've been talking to a few friends, about these bad vibes, of the past, and how it haunts you or it stays with you even if for a brief second. What I sense were, although we were actually bothered by it and mix feelings stirred, there were still smiles on our faces, and laughter in between 'confessions'. And one of these friends I've had this conversation with said, and i qoute

"A fren of mine ckp "f ko alum menangis sal bini2 alum tah ko bnar2 kn ia 2"
"dorang menangis sal bini2.. n yet they've moved on.. N aku nda menangis.. Yet im stuck in the past"

And in my mind, this could be true, but then I thought there's yet people who cried over their exes and is still crying over them now, perhaps not cry, but there's always that screaming/cry in your heart or mind thats more or less similar to the actual crying in tears thing.Kan?
And there are those who never cried it out and are still able to move in with life..Well perhaps as this friend of a friend said "alum tah ko banar2 kan ia tu".

Well nevertheless, with or without the crying, there's still that past that haunts, or demeans us of our pleasurable present, no matter how far away we are from it - in terms of contentment and period. Perhaps thats a bit of an exxageration, the word 'haunt', but there's still no doubt that we have memories, that in some terms come together with with any bitter emotions, angst, regret, anger etc.

But then, after further thought, do these memories even matter?They surely do shape our present form, but do they really have such a big impact on our lives other than that?They just simply sit in our minds, at times it explodes and triggers disturbing feelings. Perhaps thats exactly how they are..=) just like an alarm clock, it surprises you from your peaceful 'sleep' at set times- but perhaps in memory terms, a smell, a scene etc.

- i like you bebeh..x) alot. Youve brought me to a whole new place and painted it with your own colours. Despite the annoying paranoid moments you have, i like you still, cause as i said, i like the little things you do and your humour, and your chandler-ish moves, and your strong physical self..*COUGH* extraa sayang b ni pasal b cakap ani..xP and i just adore your "sensitive" side.=)) *hugs* i miss you!

So okay, ive finally get why researchers find it hard to resist interviewer bias!

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