What more is there to think through?

Just heartache and stuck in a shitty position.




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                                                All you want to do; put the blame on me.


 whichever devil that put you to that thought.

 You had never realized.
 You never will. =]

You can say, whatever it is, that makes you the better person. Or so the world thought.

But only you and I should've known what we had.
Of the few weeks, you thought I wasnt thinking of you when I did, I hope you remembered, I went through years of that. That one time, you felt, Ive felt it (according to you 7 times). Even worse, you didnt fight for me. I fought for you, for us.

I just hope you acknowledged the fact that I had always wanted us to work. And never once, as far as I could remember, I utter the words, to leave you. Because I wouldnt dare leave you, cause I thought you felt the same way like I do to you.

So take away with you whatever it is you want. Throw away everything that you think had mattered to you and no longer is. And if you could take away this feeling, bottled up just for you.

should the impossible be fought for?

They say its selfish to fight for those who are better off happy.

They say, to know what to fight for requires logic. But if, you felt that was it. That is your 'one'?Given the above circumstances?
or should it just be let as it is? But I guess if you've fought long enough for what you believed in for so long, to only come to a same conclusion. Realising 'the one' really didnt fight for you. What is there left to do? Fate be the better judge of that.

So it took a 5 minute break for me to think about my dissertation and actually thought about what I could write about. Well I actually overheard a conversation in relation to a Malaysian case and how much it is a muslim country. oohh..class is restarting. I shall go.

Labels: career

What do you do when the lights were turned off on you?
and the phone lines too?
When you're stuck far away from home with no one knowing what is going on?
In a place, where you shared with someone, who is now far from you?
Taking everything along.


Imagine a room, once filled with colors of red and blue. Of rainbows and tears. Of shattered glass glued together. Of white roses and growing trees. Of graffiti and bad handwriting. Of love and hate. A window overlooking a tree that was once you have planted together. Once had bloomed fruits, once was filled with leaves. Though it had always rained, though he had always been distant, there had always been a ray of sunlight behind the clouds. Though you've never actually seen the sun, you had always had faith, you had always thought that it was there. That it would shine someday directly to the room. That the rain will pass. Seldomly, he would go out from the room, looking for the sun, and you had always questioned, if that was to justify what you believed in or was it so he could get his own ray of sun. But you'd keep the door unlocked, just in case he left his keys.

He did. He left his keys. And he left the bills unpaid. The room is unlocked, but there's a cupboard infront of the door. Which you have pushed blindly in the darkness. It isnt impossible to open the door, but it would require an amount of force to push it open. You knew, he would never come back, and you thought a 'thief' might come in and hurt you. You're not sure if you should go out and pay the bills for electricity and phone line to come back. But you are sure, that, if he was to come back, he wouldve paid the bills first, and you could push the cupboard away from the door for him to enter.

 

To you, not a single pain was inflicted on me. Not a single tear had dropped for you. Nothing. =] For all the things, I thought was worth to having you and me in the future. Dust. I dont want to use all the cliche turn a new page shit. Be a better person shit. Changing shit. its pointless. Just as everything else was. And I dont want all the cliche shit either, its getting old. But for what's worth. Ill try taking the high road. Just as the world had told me too from the very beginning. ======= So I asked a few people lastnight.."would you hurt for love?" I know I did. Would you?

So I woke up this morning feeling a rip in my chest. I tried to sweep the feeling away, but it stayed. I guess, I shouldn't have had put in so much hopes and faith in you. I should've known you weren't as determined to work on it twice as much as there's been cracks from the very beginning. I guess I was wrong about you.

A long overdue song that shouldve been posted months ago. for every word.