It was only minutes ago that I realise how these difficult and trying moments will be the turning point of my career. 

Labels: career, something from the soul

This isn't my year. But God know's best. Patience. Tawakkal. Alhamdulillah.

Labels: career, exam, keemosian

Who am I lying to?I'm just still in love with you.

 -----
First exam is 2 days.
Tryna focus;

Labels: announcement., career, exam

Havent slept for 24hours, maybe more. Just completed my assignment. Yay! I feel so fresh. Not.

And this is my 700th post.

Labels: career, celebration

If anyone came across this blog, itll be very helpful if you help me out on this survey.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/9QQLLRM

Labels: career

"As the uneasy feeling went on, the gaps of the door, became material, of what seemed to be a scarf. The fire flickering struggling to beat the wind, switching between colours and shape. The fire eventually found its way and smoke began to rise.

The day darkens as the minutes go by. Ashes falling and thoughts began to escape, running around the room. It was like unleashing the demons. As the smoke sinks in the insides, the uneasy feeling lifted for a little bit. One of the demons was the uneasy feeling. It ran the fastest. It was one of the most intolerable. It was one of the lost ones. No known reason for its behaviour.

Perhaps it wasnt just the smoke, perhaps it was also something else, that demon slowed down. It became weak. It no longer took form of a demon, it changed, it became a weary lost soul."


I took what was supposed to be a half an hour nap, but I guess the non-existence of energy drinks turned it to a few hours nap.
For some reason, I just wanted to go on with my sleep. But the thought of a messed up sleeping pattern gave me the urge to eventually lift the blankets of my body. And of course, the thought of my future plans. I wish to not mess that up.
I felt heat prickling at the back of my body, but the aircond was on 16degrees. I felt like ive lost my motivation to go through with my plans. I thought of the idea I had for today, and it didnt feel like I want to go on with it. I am behind on my scheduele.

And for some reason, I ended up in the kitchen, looking for food. I failed. I called the parents, but they were out somewhere, and they didnt want to get me food. So I ended up vacuuming my room. It doesnt look any different, just no more lizard shit. I hate lizards. Theyre icky and they leave a mess. But my room has a weird tendency to breed huge ass, icky lizards. I dont understand.

For some reason, at the back of my head, I think the nagging this morning, made me lose my motivation to study. I hate 'advises' it makes me seem like I dont have a brain. I am not saying I wont listen, or I wont ask. If i'm not asking for it, I already know, Ive thought of it, I have a plan. Its like.. riding a bike on a hilly slope, and the 'advice' is like the one that pushes you back down.

Im tired of blogging. It doesnt really help. -_- Ive wasted time, and Im getting sleepy again. And my train of thoughts no longer falls down to my fingers anymore. Cause it has subtly taken up my brain in every minute of every hour. And it has become very comfortable there.
I really want to study, but every part of me is shutting down.

sigh. I need food. Im hungry.



"While you're ignoring her, another guy is giving her attention & while you're giving her problems, another guy is listening."
I saw this on twitter.

Labels: career, exam, keemosian, not getting to my point, something from the soul

So it took a 5 minute break for me to think about my dissertation and actually thought about what I could write about. Well I actually overheard a conversation in relation to a Malaysian case and how much it is a muslim country. oohh..class is restarting. I shall go.

Labels: career

i....am late for class. So..I might not...*cough* self-taught..there's lecture notes at Blackboard.

Labels: career

I am freezing!

Labels: announcement., career

Planning an all-nighter. So this is uni life. Workload..and little time for play. its alright.. I need to do this..=)

Labels: career, everyday ku., exam, not getting to my point

nada ku suka ni.. NADA KU SUKA NI CMANI ANI!

Labels: career, everyday ku., keemosian, Random

My dad once told me.. To not listen to what others say. This was about 3 years ago, when I was choosing subjects for lower sixth.


And I had to go through that again when people kept on asking me if I was sure or not..:) I may be taken aback when people ask me that. I may have doubt. But it is what it is.. And it is not about what you say. Its about what I am willing to do. I may not succeed in it. I may not succeed gracefully in it. But I may also do otherwise. To me there's no task difficult enough that could kill you. If I could go through the last few years of my life, I could go through the next if it doesnt take my life away. People fail in their lives, people succeed. But also, I was once told that, god wouldn't give challenges beyond humans capabilities.

So what Im trying to withstand is dont try to undermine my confidence, I know its a tough thing. But, asking me over and over if im sure, is just.. you know.. giving doubts.

Labels: career

Labels: career, exam, Random

I have the scholarship form in hand at the moment. I dont know, if I should be psyched, or terrified as I am now about it. The form is like as thick as my perception would believe it to be a very important form, like if I was to accidentally wrote a 'u' instead of an 'a' and drew the 'u' as an 'a', it would not be accepted!
Takut ku kan fill it in without supervision..-_-" Seriously terrified.. and I dont even know, what to fill in anyways..Its very nerve-wrecking.. Somehow!=( Furthermore, I have two exams which Ill be sitting for, and awaiting result for, but there's just one space for that on the form..So how do I fill it out..=(



Bleurgh!I need to straighten my nerves..Sudah tah inda flaterring picture..
So yeah.. Moving on..

Im starting to grow into school days..*giggles* funny that Im just feeling like im fitting in after MONTHS!Macam OHMYGOD!So yeah had afternoon class..it wasnt awesome.. Like there were people missing and I was yawning from the beginning..then the second half I was just hyped up..-_-" couldnt concentrate alot.. But I managed too!OH GOD!I was gonna blog about something yesterday..BUT I FORGOT!Sooo..I..as usual..will..stop as this..hehe..=))

Labels: career, keemosian, snapshots.

I think, I'll just leave the blog dead for awhile. I don't want you to know how much of a mess, I feel like I am. It should be gone soon. I just need things to settle on it's own for the time being. Yeah, I've kinda turned passive for some reason. But there is no way in the world I can think of to change how my brain functions. It's not about being stupid, it's just about being a thinker. I can't really let things float away unless I've finally figured it out, or part of it. I'm not as stupid as I look. I'm not that ignorant either. Probably. So yeah this was suppose to be like a short blog to announce my absence in blogging. For the past days or days to come. Well the previous post would just be a marking stone, will probably blog back when I get 'over' it. But uhh, for the time being, I would also like to add in the fact that it's 4+ am and I can't sleep cause I'm hungry, not only is it growling, but it's also uh..has pinches of pain to it.. So yeah, imma force myself to get back to sleep now, it's Andy's birthday tomorrow. And thus a celebration. Happy birthday little guy!will upload a picture after I come back..:)


Thanks blog for being able to serve as a abut of a "cheer-er" throughout the years I've created you. Now that's love. Okay whatever!:]

Labels: 567, announcement., career, celebration; birthdays, everyday ku., keemosian

This morning I forced myself back to sleep with thoughts of how would things be, if I woke up, back in one of my kiddy days, like seriously kiddy days. But with knowledge that I have now. So I drifted off, thinking of how I couldve lead a different life, went to different schools, never met the people I met, going through a different experience, perhaps.. therell still be a little bit of innocence lingering around. I think - Im not pretty sure cause it was the same situation where i drifted off - lastnight or perhaps this morning, I thought about the innocence. I mean, to not like know stuff, not just in thoughts..*shudders*

So yeah, I kinda woke up ealy today, I seriously dont know why, I couldnt get back to sleep so I had to like force myself too. But yeah, I woke up not short after and thus this published post. Its four days till BKK. Im so not sure of how I feel about it..-__-" sigh. I dont know why, but it sure does feel like a long way from spending time tons of time with bebeh, I mean like, ill go off, then he will, then i have exam, he's back to school, he prolly has hols and i start school, then final exam, which I really have to work on, I need to get that scholarship!I need the spending money!I mean more, spending money!So yeah, Ill have to work on it, considering the fact that I lack one more O to actually get the requirements for it..bleurgh!So I hope maybe I could be like recommended?Perhaps..if that could be done.So yeah..Like is life seriously rushing things?Or have I evolved to a somesort of work obsessed person?O_o

Lastnight someone asked what happened to me in the past couple of days, I seriously didnt have an answer..-_-" maan!how did I waste my days like that?-_-" and then or perhaps before that,the person asked if Id rather lose my past memories, or would I rather not be able to make a new one?Well, I went with second one. Cause ifyou think of it, even if you were able tomake new memories, you probably wont be able to keep them, cause youll eventually lose the memory, which just leaves you with nothing. Mmmhmm~ I am 'sentimental' that way. I mean like, if you dont have anything else to live for, memories could just sometimes be enough. But what would you have if you had to lose them all?Well I wont say that for me, but yeah..it makes sense probably to some. I dont reallyknow what else to blabber about. Im hungry I shallvamoose!

Labels: 567, career, everyday ku., Random, something from the soul

omg~it seems like i havent blogged since forever..-_-" I dont think ive really had the time, to actually sit down, think about stuff and just you know, type words away. I dont know why?Its like you know, I dont use most of my time in this world to do good, like nothing worth, i mean like theyre not all for worthy reasons.. But how exactly dont I have time in between facebook and msn?Like there are times, Im that free, that I pace back and forth from facebook to msn, msn to facebook, facebook to msn, well you basically get it. So its usually in times that im not suppose to be blogging my heart out that I blog..-___-"

i have test tommorow..I met my sir on the hallway on my way to the toilet and he's like "have you studied for my test tomorrow?" and I had a kinda doubted answered and he's like "yeah thats very convincing" -_____-"
At least Im doing something, shouldve seen me back in hehehhee..nevermind.:D I feel like Ive made an evolution, like yeah.
I think its all the heartbreaks and the whatevers that turned me into something..-____-" well its boring!
pfft..I cannnot!wait!for BKK!gaddamn~


and surprise, surprise..I miss form 6..=] *dont mock me boyfriend..-_-" Personally I think (well i just kinda thought of this seconds ago) why i tend to deny my form 6 days is because, its perhaps the years of my evolvement. No, thats not entirely a good thing, cause it was the most longest lasting years of heartache (i actually think im exxagerating by using this word, but it may perhaps be the most emotionally challenging years). What happened may perhaps just stay in the minds of those who endured it with me, or were there, I will try my best to not open the chapter over again. So anyways, i think ive got to get going..
IT!IT!WOOHOOO!!I AM ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT IT!*jumps*


and oh yeah, i felt stupid today, cause I cant remember this very ughhh!supposedly easy question. I forgot wa.."Organisational culture" gaddamn!I could just shoot my brains out..hahaha over tia~

Labels: career, everyday ku., not getting to my point, Random, something from the soul

Lazy-time, SHOULD END HERE!*stomps feet on the ground*

Oh yeah, I have two more assignments before the holiday starts!But holiday mode is on..=( sucks big time..=( Sooo..Imma have to force myself at this!I need THAT A!or another A at that *kirai2* and 5more for next semester wee-ooo-wee!Oh yeah, and from the looks of it, imma have to like bring work to BKK!gaddamn!but its aright, its aright..imma get my reward..*drools* oh yeah i have exam on January..-___-" grrr!But I have to make it through, gotta-gotta-gotta!Cause I soo wanna smack your head hard..hahaha apakan..i dont know who the hell im talking about..-___-" AHAX AHAX!*mumbles:ku tampar kau karang*

YES!AN A++ WITH MY NAME ON IT!hahahahaha..sounds sad, but yeah..and so, my day was pretty awkward *not really* cause my BOYFRIEND *highlights cause he needs to notice* I havent heard from, it saddens me..it still saddens me no matter how much i feel like im prepared or know it or whatever. Anyways, so went out dengankan Waie cut his hair tadi, and i thought I shouldve taken a picture!hehehe..but I forgot, I forgot..teeeheeeheee..sekali dropped him off and went Mall for BIT!BUT!gila orang ramai~ and I met si Teeqah!*dances* and KFC there is such a bitch!Like that girl, cant remember what I ordered, so I waited like an extra 20-30mins for my already ready food. Grrrhh!But I got new ones instead..anyways..it was so bitchy~ malas ku kan relive it all over..*roll eyes* so yeah..because Lazy-time is suppose to end now!*or awal sudah* soooo...turra!

EH BOYFRIEND IF YOURE READING THIS!MANA KAU!

Labels: 567, career, everyday ku., not getting to my point, Random

We had a 'workshop' thing in school today, it was kinda awesome. It was a 'mind management' thing. And like it made me realise, I have been managing my mind well..=)) yeahuh!well except for the procrastinating part.

There was this balloon thing, and some ugly dancing, I miss having people I know, like REALLY KNOW around..-__-" atu it seemed awkward for me to anticipate ah.. Nasib the girl beside me, Jennifer, a Vietnamese (my school is SOOOOO international, like the people.. hehehe awu sakai ku) had like a beat, so kinda followed her for abit. Did the rope thing with her too. So anyways, yeah, it was alright..

My head hurts, it always hurts..-___-" Maybe subconsciously I have alot to think about..-__-" maybe.. so as usual I cant really remember what I wanna talk about..=___- bah im done..tuurraa..!

Labels: career, everyday ku., Random

So hello!I feel like I havent blogged for quite a long time, though, thats not really true I guess?its been a pretty hectic week, minus part I had to squeeze all my heart out for you sayang =(( mean ass. And plus!I got schooollll mannn!schoooooooolllll (nah ani, I put in cause si "Nabeelah" suggested cakap pasal school) its pretty alright so far, I havent really fit in alot, but its alright..=) its the education that matters..weseh!There's abit to say about it, there's a couple of people I know, who's intending to 'catch up' but being the quite person that I am..hehhee..im sooryy, I want to, but aku malu..=P people have to stir conversation baru aku can talk..ehehehe..

So hmm, other than that is si boyfriend, aku rindu ia, ia inda rindu aku, pasal ia si busyman kan..hidup nya terlalu busy, aku ganya ada masa di fikirannya..eseh emo!hahahha..no shit, but I miss you, which reminds me I need abit of cash..cause I have lunch out now!for 3days in a week..pfft..inda ku kata2 eh...school is interesting..hahaha..

So yeah, I have nothing more to blog about..or ada but its not at the top of my head!ohh yeah!I had mcd kan~ sekali..I met this old friend of mine!hahah sekadar..-_-" but really!I havent seen her for a long time now!!hahaha..but sekadar still, nada jua apa..so yeah..

and having a facebook account again is soooo weird.

Labels: 567, career, Random, snapshots.