In life, we just have to do somethings that we just ae not capable of doing. It either hurt us, or we are just to afraid to get hurt. But this thing "hurt" it will always come after us in any form of way, physically and emotionally. We are not capable of avoiding from this forever.
Love a powerful word. To me which only mean one thing but to others another million,billion more. It wonders me, how people could say it and never actually mean it. or they just mean in, in another way. I've tried to be careful around these words but somehow at times it just slipped.It doesnt mean that I entirely neglect the presence of others but its just that "love" to me is too powerful to be used,then.
Love however had also destroy us. We fight so hard for it but noone really cares. We'd do anything so it'll go our way but it never has and never will be.
I've drifted far away from the people i open up most to. As far as I've realised, never have i been this way. I've lost, and i just dont feel like i could get up on my own two feets again soon.I've never really found a way to get rid of this feeling but it has always been set on my mind that being with my friends helped, as they have always been the ones i get my advises from,and even lift my spirit.But not this time.
Alone deep in my thoughts,I'd either get stronger or weaker.
Him, he changed my life and he changed me.But little does he care and little does he know.
I've always tried to avoid this, falling so deep in love and having to feel this way. But still here I am now, in this situation i've tried so hard to avoid. There are just more scars than one when i think of what we went through tat one year and so. And after those avoiding, it finally totals up to this one week of misery.
Trying so hard to move on but it feels like there's always something pulling me back. Memories,the things we did, the things he said, a vague description of it. Nonetheless, I was even lied to, a promise he didnt keep. Alot, but this particular one dazzled me.
"I'll wait for you" and Elliot Yamin's, i'll wait for you."
makes more of my thoughts, theories (from even our year together) stronger and I, get more weaker.
-to be continued-

Labels: something from the soul

I have been going on like this ever since we've gotten back together.. and sometime before that..
Feeling alot frustrated..too 'melayan' the feelings maybe..and the mind.. sighs~ but everything just falls into place..When i told a friend 'ia' backs up the theory..Sighs..
I feel that he's changed.. Our 'relationship' is no longer sweet nor is it bitter sweet..I dont know what i'm searching for..but i know,its not in him anymore.. Over and over in the same tangle of lies..that's somewhere i dont want to be.. I cant go on likethis forever..Going on everyday just to hope and try for things to be the way they were before.. He no longer has the ability to make me smile.. He's not even trying to.. It has always been about him lately.. Not lately as in for the past couple of days..but lately as in past couple of months.. I've had the chance to let go..but i just cant bear the idea of not having him around..Sighs.. I prayed to god the other night to give me a sign..and god gave me a dream where i was going up an escalator holding on the rail..and even though i know i was about to bump my head if i kept on holding it i still wouldnt let go cause i was freaking scared..Sighs..
Best of me - Jay- Z and Maya..fits me well..sigh..

Labels: keemosian, something from the soul