It was only minutes ago that I realise how these difficult and trying moments will be the turning point of my career. 

Labels: career, something from the soul

I'll try baby..

I'll try for us.

Labels: 567, keemosian, something from the soul

I try my best to see the light to every new day. But, its really hard to do, when you wake up to the grey of the past beating in your heart, and running thoughts in your mind.

Labels: something from the soul

Al-Fatihah.

Labels: something from the soul

As I was packing my stuff. It hit me..

I'm coming back to reality. For good.

I looked through my clothes, and images of the years that had past just hit me.

How worried I am looking to the future. How... it feels like a giant fullstop. From the moment I step foot to the airport, from then will my life just be a big ball of emptiness.

Im scared. Utterly terrified. But this is a phase that I have to go through. =]

Labels: not getting to my point, something from the soul

I try to live more everyday, but every time I think I'm strong enough, I feel a part of me wither back. I don't want to be here, and I don't have the need to go home. I don't know what to do, or what to feel. I try to fill my everyday so I won't feel that piece of shattered emptiness. I'm tired of talking about it. It doesn't change a thing. I'm tired of running from it, it doesn't change a thing. I hate how vulnerable you've left me feeling. And I hate how much its affecting me. I no longer hope for you, yet my heart yearns for your presence. I try to win, but always end up tumbling down. Even if I cry, only the pillow would catch my tears. Even if laugh, it's gone for awhile. I try to change, but nothing felt like it has changed. I try to move on, but I don't know where to go. I try to see the light of everyday, but the rain keeps pouring. I wish to see your face, but I know, I'll feel the pain. I want to know how your days are, but it'll kill me to know you're not in mine. I've given so much, and had been left with so little.
At this point on, I don't know how to love again. I know, I have all the love filling in my heart, but I trust no one to give it to.
I miss you, but I don't want to know if you do.
Nothing will change. You will just always be... the one, that left.

Labels: 567, something from the soul

Labels: something from the soul

I've always had this thing where no one touches my food. Especially when I'm fuck hungry.
I remember this one remark I made that my family kept on till now. "I could sue you for that" (these arent my exact words). I am pretty serious about people touching my food. So serious, I once did not speak to my dad. It wasnt because he touched my food(i'm not that insane) but there was something about me being hungry, and maybe that theyve eaten the food. (im pretty sure Ive blogged about this before)

So lastnight, whilst waiting a call for from Brunei's AGC, I hung out in a friend's room. I was hungry, I had eaten very little. I left my food leftovers, in the kitchen, covered. So I decided, to take it. And guess what!Somebody ate it, without asking me. If it hadn't been for the fact that I did not know the guy very well, or I didnt find him annoying, I'd scream the shit outta him. Furthermore, it wasnt entirely his fault (as much as I hate saying this) two of my friends told him to eat it. But the fact that he just came from London, sparked more anger in me. He couldve gotten food from there. I remember trying to reach out for my food, and all they said was.. 'pikir kau inda mau lagi. *dork ate it' WTF!I took a glance at him with his stupid face, and just ran up. Hungry as ever, up to the point that insides were tearing me up.

I hate to make a big deal out of it, but its my food ya'll. I dont mind, sharing my food. But in lastnight's case, I was uber hungry, I'm flat broke, and that was a stupid surprise, making my food disappear. My consumption of food, is limited, dya want me to starve?!
As much as I respect not touching your food, dont go the the extent on touching mine.

Labels: announcement., something from the soul

Dont think I want to go home anymore....
I dont know what its like to land and not race to your door...

Cause I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didnt see you there.



And Happy Birthday Babah and Ka Nanieh!!

Labels: celebration; birthdays, something from the soul

As I wound the thingy, I thought 'this is like when I was a kid' not that I had one (except for that mobile thing with the music, that puts you to sleep), but the stories I read, the movies I watched. The music box had been in some of them.

I watched the horses go around up and down on the tiny merry-go-round. Empty. All there was to it was the music it played with it. I thought of how, in the stories or movies I saw, made it a significant object in someone's life.
It stopped. I wound it again, double the time I did before. There was a ferris wheel beside it, I wound that up to. It slowly moved. The music wasnt in sync, I watched it for a few seconds and left.

On the way home, I thought of the music box. I thought of how that one thing brought me back to my childhood. I thought back on how it was meant to be something special in somebody's life, it wasnt in mine, how it is in reality just an object with a marked price of less than 20$ (I'm sorry Im so used to putting the dollar sign in a way I would say it - i know it isnt meant to be). Then I thought, it didnt tell noone, nothing, about life itself.

Labels: something from the soul

Patience.
Thats all there is to it.

Labels: something from the soul

"As the uneasy feeling went on, the gaps of the door, became material, of what seemed to be a scarf. The fire flickering struggling to beat the wind, switching between colours and shape. The fire eventually found its way and smoke began to rise.

The day darkens as the minutes go by. Ashes falling and thoughts began to escape, running around the room. It was like unleashing the demons. As the smoke sinks in the insides, the uneasy feeling lifted for a little bit. One of the demons was the uneasy feeling. It ran the fastest. It was one of the most intolerable. It was one of the lost ones. No known reason for its behaviour.

Perhaps it wasnt just the smoke, perhaps it was also something else, that demon slowed down. It became weak. It no longer took form of a demon, it changed, it became a weary lost soul."


I took what was supposed to be a half an hour nap, but I guess the non-existence of energy drinks turned it to a few hours nap.
For some reason, I just wanted to go on with my sleep. But the thought of a messed up sleeping pattern gave me the urge to eventually lift the blankets of my body. And of course, the thought of my future plans. I wish to not mess that up.
I felt heat prickling at the back of my body, but the aircond was on 16degrees. I felt like ive lost my motivation to go through with my plans. I thought of the idea I had for today, and it didnt feel like I want to go on with it. I am behind on my scheduele.

And for some reason, I ended up in the kitchen, looking for food. I failed. I called the parents, but they were out somewhere, and they didnt want to get me food. So I ended up vacuuming my room. It doesnt look any different, just no more lizard shit. I hate lizards. Theyre icky and they leave a mess. But my room has a weird tendency to breed huge ass, icky lizards. I dont understand.

For some reason, at the back of my head, I think the nagging this morning, made me lose my motivation to study. I hate 'advises' it makes me seem like I dont have a brain. I am not saying I wont listen, or I wont ask. If i'm not asking for it, I already know, Ive thought of it, I have a plan. Its like.. riding a bike on a hilly slope, and the 'advice' is like the one that pushes you back down.

Im tired of blogging. It doesnt really help. -_- Ive wasted time, and Im getting sleepy again. And my train of thoughts no longer falls down to my fingers anymore. Cause it has subtly taken up my brain in every minute of every hour. And it has become very comfortable there.
I really want to study, but every part of me is shutting down.

sigh. I need food. Im hungry.



"While you're ignoring her, another guy is giving her attention & while you're giving her problems, another guy is listening."
I saw this on twitter.

Labels: career, exam, keemosian, not getting to my point, something from the soul

Labels: 567, keemosian, meaningful qoutes, something from the soul

"If she's amazing she won't be easy. If she's easy she won't be amazing. If she's worth it you won't give up. If u give up you're not worthy."

Ive been trying.. for so long.
when will you ever see?My heart, doesnt seem like it could cope any longer.

Please. If you do want things the way it was, make me see it. Dont keep strangling my heart on a string and yanking it hard.

Labels: 567, something from the soul

I cant believe I'll be leaving my room..:( sighh..

Labels: something from the soul

Cause no matter what. Whenever I think of being by your side, it makes me a tad bit better. It makes me a tad bit happier. It makes my day a tad bit brighter.


M.

Labels: something from the soul

Has it occur to your mind that I actually want to try to work this out?

Labels: something from the soul

Sucks.
I miss you.

Labels: something from the soul

Someone who'll fight.
Who'll keep me, despite anything else.

Labels: something from the soul

Oh.. simple things..

Labels: announcement., Random, something from the soul