A garden beyond paradise.

Monday, August 24, 2020

It was only minutes ago that I realise how these difficult and trying moments will be the turning point of my career.

Be it for the good or the bad. It doesn't matter, cause this moment, these painfully miserable moments are, and will always remain as, his fault.

He made the decision that not only affected 50, but over 200 people's livelihood. I can only imagine if I were in those shoes, what my conscience would be screaming at me for.

How thorough was that "Strategic Review"? How can it negatively affect so many people if it was well-reviewed and thought through. Why are people distraught about their future? Why are people demotivated to be in that environment? When will we see the "progress"? Where is all the preach of advancement, innovation, THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX?

Surely, this country, my country, is UNIQUE, in it's own way. We should be striving to being a "think outside the box" community, cause we are unique. We should be unique in a good way and not simply adapting to the culture of others and becoming them. They are effective where they are, not where we are.

It saddens me that any opportunity can just be taken away from you because they "don't know who" you are. I had always believed that hard work is the key to success, but i've never had to unlock that, I just soared my way through by luck until these moments. It is only now that I realise that, the big picture, has always been right in-front of my face and from where I was, there was frosted glass.

The frosted glass did help though. It wasn't good, but it did help. The big picture isn't a pretty sight. It's not something, I've never seen before, but if i could unsee it. I would, for the good.

Labels: career, something from the soul

August 24, 2020

Monday, August 17, 2020

and all at the same time, you're that smell of fresh air on a rainy day.

August 17, 2020

So what do I do?

I end up here, in front of my computer, typing whatever I can articulate from this feeling.

It's not something I've ever experienced before. I guess that's why it feels odd, it feels different and it's scary.

August 17, 2020

Who would intentionally ruin something enjoyable without consequences?

From where I'm standing now, to keep riding those waves would also mean crushing hard to the rocks and it would just be another "i told you so" from me to myself. But dealing with it would just ruin this enjoyable ride without consequence.

I should have properly dealt with it the first time around. Not in the way that I did, not just "re-acting accordingly". On my part, I made a mistake, I chose the wrong move, the wrong game. I didn't know. I didn't know what it was, I thought it was something else, but hey.. this is what is actually is. It took me a very long time to realise that and it took me more time to realise that this somehow had to be done. It had to be dealt with.

~~I hate to admit though, I don't have the balls to.~~ I just need to figure out how.

August 17, 2020

There are a million reasons for me to sweep this feeling away and just 1 small gesture that would send waves of it back.

I've just been riding on these waves without consequence, and it has by far been enjoyable.

August 17, 2020

I just want to document this feeling.

I've had it for so long and I've never thought about how to move forward with it, until the past weeks.

Okay, it did pass my mind, but all I've ever done is sweep it away. It didn't seem like a big deal, but if it had to come to this point.. I guess it is.

I just don't know where to even begin.

August 17, 2020