We all have our own perspectives on things, some may have theirs flexible to others, whilst others, have that stands firm. And there are those, whose somewhere in the middle.

Mine, I still cant figure.
With a distraught mind as I have now, its really hard to hold on to your perspectives. Who knew failure, could mean this to me?Who knew, disappointment would lie within yourself, and not in others?

Most people believe that, with a whole new year, they can start on a whole new life, a whole new them, a whole new theme. But really what difference is there between a year and a minute or so?All it takes is the guts, the will and the belief. So why do most people make up new resolutions on new year?or a new day?or a new week?

Must we make up reasons first, to move on?or be different?From my perspective - as at this moment - is that, we never really fulfill to our so called new resolutions, even if we are on to it, we would still be who we once were, before we ever made these resolution conclusions, we'd still be the same person, with that mistake in the past, we'd still be the person with the happy memories, we'd still be the one who felt lonely and cried ourselves to sleep that one lonely night, we were once tiny toddlers who wailed for grown up's attention, those moments were us, and it will always be us.

Labels: keemosian, something from the soul

I'm so disappointed in myself.. sigh~ what I mind, is my geography, Sigh!..but I thank them girlfriends, and si Ameer, you've lighten up my day today..=) and also the family, and the nagging 'civil engineering' uncle..hehe..

I thought it'd be terrifying, but it wasnt.


Camera phone, had sucky pixel resolutions, so I only took this. And you can't see the oakley..-_-"Note: These are not mine!This is a hint, for an oakley..*kelip*

Labels: exam, keemosian, something from the soul

I dont need to blog. But I'm amused, really amused. Im excited to reveal an obvious fact that, only I seem to notice. I can't stop smiling, told you I'm amused!
"maybe she just started showering?" a thought that just popped to mind, along with the smile. HAHA!

I was satisfied, when I saw fear in her eyes. GAHAHA!Baru ku betanya tu~ or were those an "hati ku patah, aku mesti tunjuk biasa" GAHAHA!okay malas ku mengumpat sudah.


I was up early, I usually do. I hate oversleeping, it stays in your head, and keeps it heavy through the day. I feel tired, very tired, for god's know what reason. I put the possibility of my period being the cause though. My cheeks feel dry, and it made me miss binbin..-__-" apakan out jua relation nya tu..-_-" Im full of complains today, so if you're reading this, dont call me a whiny spoiled brat!errrr....-_-" in a nasty way that is and not to my face, I cant stand it, it'll tear me to pieces..-_-"

Labels: 567, announcement.

Have a Happy CHINESE New Year..(y) xP

Labels: celebration, snapshots.

We had bbq for dinner lastnight, and they were all, err..half cooked?or as our 'english teacher' would say it, mild.HAHA!

I have a headache, and its affecting my nose. Or andang hidung ku ani a work of its own..-_-" I guess, since it feels blocked anyways, mun ku tidur. Aku jumpa bebeh sekejap tadi, aku mengantuk baru kan tidur and he showed up, then he was just gone. Now I wonder, if I did see him, and his "hair" or was it just a dream?-_-" or aku atu macam very tired, imagined babah said he was there, and I just wandered outside talking to nothing?-_-"

Okay, okay, whatever. Aku tesliur prosperity tapi 'special' sauce dari KL ani alum tah datang2 nya!!SASAK KU SASAK!!*roll eyes*

I miss you mabin!
Happy Chinese New Year!!do you say happy there??:S -_-" entah eh~ palau rasa ku ni..

Labels: 567, Random

Aku mau update blog ku wa, tapi.. I dont really have anything to blog about, or malas ku pikirkan. Nada mood ku sudah well at this moment pulang to blog, aku kan cleanse my soul wa. Tapi macam payah kan?!If I didnt have enough patience ahh..abis sudah orang kana kali ni ulih ku..-_-" Aku kan 'period' kali iatah ni. Or inda~

At this masa OR Pada masa ini, not this exact moment laa maksud ku, just the time frame is now~ aku mau CX-7. I like the body and the colourssss, verryy is the shiny, like shiny is pretty, very attractive. The interior inda berapa pulang usul nya, lawa lagi dalam Murano and Teana, which aku mau jua, but because of the harga, macam bepikir ku, macam I can get a low spec CX-7 and a nissan Latio~ yang the nismo one ahh, and the nissan ada kana offer LCD screen, sport rims, skirt nya and apakah lagi tu. I am not a fan of hatchbacks?lurus kah tu?okay not much of a fan la, but I do like the dapan of the car. Okay, apakan aku cakap pasal kerita ani?-_-" macam apa bunyi ku..-_-"

Okay, so aku kehabisan kata-kata sudah. I'm tired eh. I feel like i'm just done crying, inda ku tau napa. Pasal tadi aku beringus sekajap atu kali. Si Andy ia marah aku pasal ketawakan ia ah!"beabih" usulnya..macam cali lagi tu ia marah..hehehe.. Lapas atu, tadi aku breakfast cucur udang, cucur udang biasa nya seperti as in most restaurants,nada udang, masam lagi tu. Nasib aku suruh order cucur udang special jua, ada jua udang nya besar laaa sedikit. Tapi mun dikira kan kecil pulang tu udang atu. But compared amongst restaurants, awu laa basar..

Ahhhhhhhh~ i go now. Habis sudah apa yang dalam fikiran ku. Aku mau ikut keThai waaa february!tapi my father aka bapa aka dad aka babah macam inda suruh, pasal haritu sudah ku membelanjai banyak ratus masa ku disana. hehehe..aku rindu si Yasmine aka GD aka ONLY anak buah yang perempuan wah ni. Aku tau, ia pun rindu aku ni..
apakan?-_-" bah malas ku melayan diri ku sudahh..tutu~

Labels: everyday ku., Random

Sakit hati ku ni~
Facebook punya pasal ni~.. Macam sakit hati ku atu macam ^&%^&$%^% %&%*%^^*%%$###@%*&(()(((*(^%%^#%@#$@$#^%*&(*^^%$%$#%@%%^&(* bah two more paragraphs of 50-70 lines of macam atu di mix and match tah lagi!

Labels: keemosian

I'm a new fan of Sara Bareilles now.
I love her songs, I love her voice, I just love her, and if she writes the lyrics and notes for her music, than I just love her tons more!Okay nothing, creepyly gay, I just love her for what she does. Its like, everytime I listen to her songs, it takes me to a place, where its all smiles and rainbows.

I am a fantasist, so to find something that brings me to my own wonderful world, is just amazing to me.=) That's how I fall in love. its a weakness, but how many has the ability to do so?

This could get old, but for the time being, it is as it is.

Labels: announcement., Random

My love is in this blog, my pride and joy. but i love you too beh..xP

I smile with satisfaction as I read, some of what I 'label' as 'something from the soul' on what I know is an inspired article.

Call it vain, or whatever, but I check this blog over than twice in a day or even within hours. Its not the chat box. Its what I wrote that I enjoy reading over and over again, as I hope you people would. For all I can remember, I've written since I can ever remember. Maybe its the passion for writing, or perhaps just a jolt of disturbance in mind - in which may mean just a small thing like, what you think when you look over someone's house to stuff like, life? - that I cant resist shaking off that has brought me to writing?

In English, where people usually like the comprehension part, I've preferred compisition, but I hated the ones where I have to write fact because, I guess, I lack it. Or just perhaps my judgement towards things are different. I had always been 'shy' with pointing out my opinion, I hate it, if I'm wrong and PROVEN wrong by the facts. It makes me feel small, and uhh..stupid?and perhaps ignorant?

I wont lie, but I hope to know more things of the world, but I guess my world is just too small, and I cant really shake out to the wide vast lands and oceans all across the globe. Well not that I'm saying I'm confined at home, and I rarely see the sun - which would be a *ucking lie. But I just cant seem to get further than where I am now, I just find it difficult to reach the facts. No matter how much I google, or I watch the news, but there's always, ALWAYS something that slips me, something important?I am not that ignorant, I know, and I am with confidence, stating it, but how could 'things' like this slip me?To say I dont care?I would agree on fitting in, and all those things usual teens have 'problems' with. I care with only what concerns me, not being to fit in, cause I dont look alot like you, I dont give a damn!
I do however, mind if people talk about me. Maybe I'm selfish to you now, but arent we all?Our actions, dont all revolve around other people, and if it were, we'd still be selfish to ourselves, not thinking of what we need.. And no doubt the others are selfish too as they dont really want us to do things for ourselves.no?

Well that'll probably explain my dislike to writing factual compositions, because in the 'imaginative' ones, I cant be proven wrong. I love to have my life, simple and carefree, rather than complicated and tiresome. I try to please people, but not very hard, and even if I do try hard, there's really a selfish reason behind it, a teeny part of me wants it too, a teeny part of me wants that compliment, and that part of me, wants the standards, those other people want - in a reflection of me, or just me, myself.

So now you see how much of a selfish person I am, will your judgement about me stay the same?=) Cause I'm also considerate..really!xP

Labels: announcement., everyday ku., something from the soul

We all have our ways to handle with stuff; and mine is perhaps abit more carefree?x) than most people.

And I cant stop from singing or humming Sara Bareilles's love song..

Its day one back home, lol!and it dont feel like i've been away anyways. Or perhaps cause I stop thinking about it and just living in the moment. It was disappointing I didnt get a prosperity, macam pedah ku balik brunei..!!T.T but had good homemade chicken soup..x)) that was tadi though not lastnight~ just had to settle in for ayam McD..
the women who 'waiter-ed' us was like - after asked mengapa nada prosperity - "sos nya abis, tunggu dari KL bla bla" and my sister was like "napa inda minta recipe nya saja?bla bla" and she was like ".....*tunduk eksen inda dgr tapi senyum*" GAHAHAHA.. bah i'm done, tired of updating, its the 'love song' song that influenced me to blog..xP

- I havent really 'had the time' and sit down to write you a love song xp *hugs*

Labels: everyday ku., Random

I'M BACK!!!

bah aku kan jalan~ lol!

I'm coming back tomorrow, no doubt. There should be prosperity and a whole lot of welcoming party..-_-" GAHAHA!

My luggage is 4kg to the limit, maybe. My thai bahts, all have habis, except for 90baht?Which can buy me not even batteries? - 8 AAAs though.xP

So, pictures in Thai would probably be updated to facebook when I get back, as soon as I can get down to it.

Bah malas ku tulis lagi..x)

Labels: announcement.

I hate it when people talk of the past - or just some state where I've once been in the past, no i'm not annoyed with their ramblings. I dont mind that, its just that, it reminds me of mine!
Perhaps no deep cut could ever heal fully, just like on Yasmine's forehead. She no longer feel's the pain, although you can barely see it, the scar's still there. She sometimes talk of how "ninie bawa spital, ni ada dayah, jayit tu, aku nangies uweee *does bida face*"

Im not really making a big deal out of it, cause Im glad with what I have now, the past.. it just seemed like a whole lot of mess, but you know~ no human can ever erase what they've gone through kan?As much as you want them gone, or youre no longer thinking of them, sometimes a brush of perhaps 'badluck' could trigger these moments.. bad or good ones.

I've been talking to a few friends, about these bad vibes, of the past, and how it haunts you or it stays with you even if for a brief second. What I sense were, although we were actually bothered by it and mix feelings stirred, there were still smiles on our faces, and laughter in between 'confessions'. And one of these friends I've had this conversation with said, and i qoute

"A fren of mine ckp "f ko alum menangis sal bini2 alum tah ko bnar2 kn ia 2"
"dorang menangis sal bini2.. n yet they've moved on.. N aku nda menangis.. Yet im stuck in the past"

And in my mind, this could be true, but then I thought there's yet people who cried over their exes and is still crying over them now, perhaps not cry, but there's always that screaming/cry in your heart or mind thats more or less similar to the actual crying in tears thing.Kan?
And there are those who never cried it out and are still able to move in with life..Well perhaps as this friend of a friend said "alum tah ko banar2 kan ia tu".

Well nevertheless, with or without the crying, there's still that past that haunts, or demeans us of our pleasurable present, no matter how far away we are from it - in terms of contentment and period. Perhaps thats a bit of an exxageration, the word 'haunt', but there's still no doubt that we have memories, that in some terms come together with with any bitter emotions, angst, regret, anger etc.

But then, after further thought, do these memories even matter?They surely do shape our present form, but do they really have such a big impact on our lives other than that?They just simply sit in our minds, at times it explodes and triggers disturbing feelings. Perhaps thats exactly how they are..=) just like an alarm clock, it surprises you from your peaceful 'sleep' at set times- but perhaps in memory terms, a smell, a scene etc.

- i like you bebeh..x) alot. Youve brought me to a whole new place and painted it with your own colours. Despite the annoying paranoid moments you have, i like you still, cause as i said, i like the little things you do and your humour, and your chandler-ish moves, and your strong physical self..*COUGH* extraa sayang b ni pasal b cakap ani..xP and i just adore your "sensitive" side.=)) *hugs* i miss you!

So okay, ive finally get why researchers find it hard to resist interviewer bias!

Labels: 567

Malam ku semalam was..ahhhh~ the word in my mind now is 'pacah' wha' evah!haha!it was like an emotional turmoil, senyum and laughing my heads of then the serious 'aku-kan-down-and-depressed' lapas tu the 'C-O-O-L' hahaha!then the 'gula-and-madu' thing then ada the 'bald-is-sexy-tapi-BOYFRIEND-KU-INDA-MAU!!!!' then -------------- *inda ku ingat ertinya tu,malas ku pikirkn jua* then it all ended up with a light head that eventually made me retreat to sleep.\m/

So i've finally 'settled' in to the life here, sadly I have to go in less than a week, gart~ so for the next couple of days, im doing errands - get stuff for members of family. I havent done myself a favour by going to a salon and fixing my hair. Okay, so I've been to the salon, fixed my hair, but not permenantly.sheesh.

I was a 'tourist' yesterday, depending on however you pronounce it, i'm still both.xP piccies will probably be uploaded to facebook in about a week's time?Was actually thinking of ACTUALLY uploading it lastnight cause I panicked, alot of pictures didnt appear on my laptop, but then I figured out that everything's there, except for a couple of pictures!*frowns*

Okay the thought that i have a sad life suddenly hit me!im somewhere else, and im in blogging..-_-" EHH~ its just for now..awu jaa?aku baru bangun jua + im yet thinking of what to eat!

Bah enough!tutu~

Labels: everyday ku., Random

I wondered this morning how/why people are 'mean' to the person they like most?- I saw it on friends lastnight, and that kinda made me think. Perhaps not such a mean bully but more like an annoying person?
Like how it started out on a chapter closed awhile ago?How it all began with mockery, and the oh-so-insensitive "inda ko lagi sama boyfriend mu atu?" -_-" and somehow be the 'messenger' to which at that time was 'someone-I-could-possibly-be-attracted-to-but-wasnt-very-interested-in-pursuing' then somehow over the holidays became something else, just because of bluetooth?!And things just went over the top!

It's a puzzle really why such phenomena occur, well not really. But its just puzzling that things changes fast, like how can you be first mean to someone, than the next is pouring out your heart to them. Well not really in that sense, just that, youre finally 'faithful' to your heart. -_-" whatever, this doesnt make sense.

- I've solved your 'secret-message' sebenarnya, and it lit up my face with a smile, and it kept me warm through out the night. hehe..i do to beh..x) and i miss you tons now. I actually thought of flying back, but nasib I had my hair cut tadi, and I wandered out to starbucks, i preferred starbucks..xP ehhee...i still sayang you alot though!and i'll come back, very soon now. And perhaps i wont be seeing you straight or till a few weeks after, but ill see you. *though by that i still dont get the point why i should be coming back to brunei* xP i miss talking to you, and the little things you do. =(( Can i please see you for abit, just for now?T.T

Labels: 567, not getting to my point

Its a cool/cold day here, though the sun is keeping my skin 'warm' the wind's still cold. =) so as much as a pathetic loser that I am, I've only took a few pictures now and there, bad ones!haha!but its not really for me, I dont care of these pictures, si Dayat yang mau pictures of Bangkok. I couldnt careless. I care for spending money to reel out .......
It sucks though, in the middle of/even when your mind keeps on pushing you to shop, you cant really go for it cause your body's screaming "HORRID PAIN!" not much exxageration cause I was on the verge of 'cant handle it' i dont know what came up, but i was sure i wasnt hungry.That's for sure.
When I got back I was exhausted and ended up in bed and eventually in front of the laptop, writing this down.

- tempers flaring, I dont think you'll ever understand, so keeping mum has always been my choice. I hope you respect that choice now. Perhaps?
I wrote our name in a book, I've missed you. You've always had this thing, of thinking one way. That things, they're all the same?People, they're all predictable, perhaps thats what your past taught you?But that's your choice, point is i've accepted you for who you are. If you only you can do the same, accept me for who I am, not pushing me to change in ways, I possibly cant.

I miss having things shoved down my throat - not literally and not in terms of inedible substances - I miss food. Well not that there's no food here, just the lack of hmm..how do you say it?certification that its genuinely Halal?bugger eh!
But other things I love..and also the food though, the annoying part is only the barrier thats in between me and all the wonderful food T.T - I CANT HAVE THEM ALL~!

So as it turns out, it'll a day in for me today. But i'm thinking of heading down soon after, that is if I could gather up the will in me to do so.

And i talked to si Zaem tadi~ pasal dress..gahahha!i want that dress..pasal lawa..then he asked "kau kan pakai jalan2 kah untuk function saja?" and i was like - well in my mine that is - "apa ah?". Thing is, I just want that dress pasal its lawa, is that wrong?or selfish of me?xP ohh well..pokoknya, I have to get me a couple of jeans and a few more shirts than i'm done!(Perhaps, if I dont bump into anything better xP) its just a week to go, and my first duit yang bertukar is at its last hundreds. Better than the last time I came here..Habis terus in one day- I think.

-I miss binbin's lame jokes that somehow end up funny to me. Maybe it's the attempt, or the fact that its lame, or its just the way he says it, or something. I even used to even laugh even at times that he's doing nothing. x) I miss him.

okay, didnt really want to upload but was/is talking trash with si teeqs. And I cant stop laughing. Okay, okay..shouldnt really be talking about it..but its so hard to resist..HAHA..so anyways, i've submitted the "CV" finally after much or little thought depend on the degree to which is preferable.-_-" *cough*

And so, what i've planned on doing "dayi tadi" as Yasmine would say it inda menjadi.

• I didnt wake up early
• I insist on mandi right after bangun!

mun inda wa, toned ni aku ah HAHA!..at the least; sweaty, huffing and puffing in the cold water of the pool..xP

So maybe after movies later, i have to get to work, my diet's excruciating, and once again minuman kegemaran ku habis in just less than a night..So karang!for sure, the gym's where i'll be heading. or tomorrow *COUGH* so okay enough blogging, im starting to get disinterested. Well at least for the moment.

- What I dont get is my inability to resist looking out the window everytime I'm in my room. I look out and see a peaceful setting, despite the fact that if I do look down, I'll be able to see the busy street, jammed with cars or car lights just swerving around the corner and at high speed. Its very calming - the view that i love staring at -, and I often thought it'd be better if he could be around. I miss him at times, but at others I just think its better if I shut it out, so I dont have to be miserable thinking of him. Not that thoughts of him depresses me, its just the fact that i havent seen him for what seem like ages, depresses me. I can have tons of daydreams or thoughts with him in it, but how does it really become helpful when I step back to reality?I miss you Mervyn Yeong, more or less in the proportion that you miss me.

Labels: 567, everyday ku., Random, something from the soul

AND I RODE THE BUGGY THERE!!

Haha..omg!my obsession with riding a buggy, that slow useless piece of transportation that fills my heart with butterflies, how can it be?surprise!surprise!aku pun inda tau.

And i think im developing an eye for Europeans, how can you not, with their shaved heads and 'cool' apparel and not forgetting the badan..xP kidding, kidding..not really that drooling over them, just a teeny weeny smaller than a dot kind of 'physical attraction'..okay..okay enough!

So after 3 posts, i think i should be done for today..i think i'll be heading down later my minuman has habis once again..-__-"

okay, so i was jobless, and i was/is blog hopping and i came across a post and it reminded me of a conversation i had with si Ameer. That the real bimbos are those who dont know they're bimbos or something like that. Pokok nya we were both annoyed by the fact that most people now are pretty much worked up to being a bimbo..-_-" whatever happened to the times where people wanted to actually be an intellectual?Well not my problem really, just had to say it out, since it seemed to be messed up in my mind for abit there. So i guess its pretty much a trend now, so we all should just jump to it. Well in defence that i am not deliberately offending anyone, perhaps our generation is not truly bimbo-tic as we picture ourselves to be perhaps we're just spoilt naive brats through technology that we often regard as one of our basic necessities now in the modern world. For without it, we'll surely die, at the least of boredom.

- so what if i had two glasses of coke within a few hours?!I DONT CARE!

and and ive just put a big piece of food in my mouth and i cant hardly chew it.-_-"

anyways, there's a couple of things i have to settle back home and it bothers me abit, its just my 3rd day away and all these things suddenly pop up..-_-" bugger!So yeah, im pretty much hooked on emails now since its easiest to hmm..have things spread around and such and such.. So I woke the usual am today, but i was aware yasmine entered my room and i knew she tapped me before she went to school tadi..

I realise I appear to be more active online nowadays, perhaps the more blab to blab about. haha..dont quite make sense there. And yeah my coke diet's getting better now, its a second day for the second bottle now where as the first bottle might have only seen roughly a whole day.

-_-" okay i've been criticised for being more rajin on blog than the doing the CV in which i fairly argued that this all from the head and CVs are in format..*pouts*malas ku ingau tapi nya..malas ku tetap malas!lol!

anyways i was flipping a page on SUGAR on something about a web celeb what a coincidence..-_-" not that i'm aiming to be one, it just seem like im doing so, well in my head that is. I like people reading my blog though, to be honest it gives me confidence in an area i was pretty confident i had until the past months(which btw is around 2years or less, you do the counting). lol!

So i think im done for the moment, i have to go back to my 'dooties'
tata~

Labels: everyday ku., Random

Im finally working back on my laptop and the connections better now. YAY!
Im now able to cross out the only thing ive made prior in my list, the charger..xD in which was like 50$ cheaper?!
I had an okay day yesterday, though missing bebeh a lot and was thinking of him when I saw this supposed hot dude in the bts. Highlight on the supposed!also despite the fact that he was wearing a shirt that showed that he was interested in muay thai. Anywaayss..~ talked to a last-year-in-UBD guy yesterday just for abit, cause i didnt really know what to talk about, and they were leaving, he said UBD's fun and those from the science stream "dulu laa" he highlighted, can get into any course with just a D above..how not stressful dorang punya year atu..-_-" and knowing that he was a ubd-ian sent abit of chills down my spine thinking of myresults..and the fact that there's no reply yet from that place i long to be..T.T
anyways, moving on..was still thinking of bebeh while choosing a shirt for myself *cough* inda jadi saja pasal was running on a budget and I still haven’t got my charger then so yeah. Lesson learned though; have something to die out the boredom if ever again, to come along to thaniya!

Ohh yeah, im in thai now, breathing in the ohh polluted air with a slight cheerfulness in my heart.-_-“ but yeahh!my day’s not set out yet, accept for the fact that I’ll be staying in today. That’s why the blogging!xD but there’s a certainty of me wandering to the 6th floor, just hoping no one’ll be there, or perhaps just a few. Ahh well, it’ll all be depending on the mood I’ll be in. and si Yasmine inda jadi sekolah todayy!!
And for now and lastnight, I miss bebeh!alot!

I'm not in Brunei!woohooo!and i love the taste of the coke zero here!xD I just bought one botol besar lastnight and its almost half habis..the botol besar was bought late night btw, and i didnt sleep late, fell asleep sometime in the first quarter of eagle eye..*cough* and its like an hour lepas aku bangun now and im drinking it lagi.-_-" bad diet~ *cough* but malas ku ingau, Brunei nada ku dapat ni!unless I decide to bring a whole lot back!xD

Aku punya laptop punya charger will be the first thing i'll be getting now, then lapas atu entah?dorang the family, punya stuff kali. But HELL YEAH!!gonna be back on my laptop soon!bah..aku kan up and away ni!AND GOODMORNING PEOPLE!

Aku rindu si Binbin btw..xD

Labels: 567, announcement., everyday ku.