What do you do when you miss someone and you truly want them to know but at the same time, you dont really wanna do that?

Ive started to accept the way things are, handling things with more diligence. Whatever bullshit that comes my way, stays for the day, and never to be thought off days after.
I think I've also finally accepted the idea of work, and is now eager for paperwork with a payroll at the end of the day. My dreams will come true eventually, for now, what I need to do is just.. roll with it.
I've also learnt patience. I learnt that fate will work its way.

Its December, 8 days has passed. The year has been quite upsetting for me. But I've come to a conclusion, its just for the year. Its preparing me for next year. God knows what He has planned for me. It might be a surprise.

But there's still that feeling deep down inside, that things was just perfect with you around. I wish youd knew that youve made me the happiest with your presence. I hope I will eventually get around that feeling and overcome it.

So I basically have nothing to blog about. I just drove for the first time in the heavy rain, it was scary. But it was an experience.
Alot of drama had been going on, and oh god!were they all high-school, pre-school stuff.
Ive gotten sick a few days ago. K.O-ed for 2 days. I have never experienced coughs that were agonising. With a rising temperature of 40.2. They say, getting sick was a way to erase sins. Then I am thankful for that 2 days. But, if possible never again.

So really, I dont know what is there to blog about. I just like the feeling of writing down something as if i'm writing an essay. I miss that feeling. I miss work. I miss typing. I miss learning.
My everyday is getting on to me, and I'm starting to get sick of it.
I didnt get enough sleep lastnight. I dont know why. And my aircond's broke, so another night with just the fan. I hope i'll be able to sleep tonight. And amazingly!I wasnt tired.

I actually had a great day. Family time in the morning-afternoon. Friend time at night. Home before 12. And I think its worth to be grateful for. Or maybe thats just the fatigue thats talking. Maybe I am actually tired, and writing things down is just a way for me to not realise that?hmmm.. Possible. And plus side, it makes me feel like i'm doing work and all grown up.. *beams

So..yeah, ive been saying ive nothing to write about and just kept on ranting about stuff. I think I shall for now, go to sleep. Or at least try to. Or!I could set up my station again and watch movies?Maybe. We'll see how I feel after i've clicked the 'publish' button.

Publish, its like such an official work-ish word. Gives me a sense of.. grown-up-nism (if that is even a word).

Okay I'm pretty sure I am beyond tired now, and my brain just keeps on shouting random things, so I'd still be typing and stay up for no particular reason. I think I shall set up my station. Yes I shall!
So Adios.

Labels: everyday ku., not getting to my point, Random

Lastnight was my last night in Bangor. We planned a last 'chill out session. But we ended up watching movie till the break of dawn. It was alright. Im on a train heading to London at the moment. Here goes. Havent had breakfast, feel like my packing's unsettled. Still have tons of things to do. But for the moment, I'll just try to enjoy this ride..:) Its apparently a Sunny day. And its a Monday, hoping for a good start to the week. :)

Labels: announcement., everyday ku., not getting to my point

As I was packing my stuff. It hit me..

I'm coming back to reality. For good.

I looked through my clothes, and images of the years that had past just hit me.

How worried I am looking to the future. How... it feels like a giant fullstop. From the moment I step foot to the airport, from then will my life just be a big ball of emptiness.

Im scared. Utterly terrified. But this is a phase that I have to go through. =]

Labels: not getting to my point, something from the soul

"As the uneasy feeling went on, the gaps of the door, became material, of what seemed to be a scarf. The fire flickering struggling to beat the wind, switching between colours and shape. The fire eventually found its way and smoke began to rise.

The day darkens as the minutes go by. Ashes falling and thoughts began to escape, running around the room. It was like unleashing the demons. As the smoke sinks in the insides, the uneasy feeling lifted for a little bit. One of the demons was the uneasy feeling. It ran the fastest. It was one of the most intolerable. It was one of the lost ones. No known reason for its behaviour.

Perhaps it wasnt just the smoke, perhaps it was also something else, that demon slowed down. It became weak. It no longer took form of a demon, it changed, it became a weary lost soul."


I took what was supposed to be a half an hour nap, but I guess the non-existence of energy drinks turned it to a few hours nap.
For some reason, I just wanted to go on with my sleep. But the thought of a messed up sleeping pattern gave me the urge to eventually lift the blankets of my body. And of course, the thought of my future plans. I wish to not mess that up.
I felt heat prickling at the back of my body, but the aircond was on 16degrees. I felt like ive lost my motivation to go through with my plans. I thought of the idea I had for today, and it didnt feel like I want to go on with it. I am behind on my scheduele.

And for some reason, I ended up in the kitchen, looking for food. I failed. I called the parents, but they were out somewhere, and they didnt want to get me food. So I ended up vacuuming my room. It doesnt look any different, just no more lizard shit. I hate lizards. Theyre icky and they leave a mess. But my room has a weird tendency to breed huge ass, icky lizards. I dont understand.

For some reason, at the back of my head, I think the nagging this morning, made me lose my motivation to study. I hate 'advises' it makes me seem like I dont have a brain. I am not saying I wont listen, or I wont ask. If i'm not asking for it, I already know, Ive thought of it, I have a plan. Its like.. riding a bike on a hilly slope, and the 'advice' is like the one that pushes you back down.

Im tired of blogging. It doesnt really help. -_- Ive wasted time, and Im getting sleepy again. And my train of thoughts no longer falls down to my fingers anymore. Cause it has subtly taken up my brain in every minute of every hour. And it has become very comfortable there.
I really want to study, but every part of me is shutting down.

sigh. I need food. Im hungry.



"While you're ignoring her, another guy is giving her attention & while you're giving her problems, another guy is listening."
I saw this on twitter.

Labels: career, exam, keemosian, not getting to my point, something from the soul

I think, I lack the amount of patience, everybody else in the world has to make their relationship work. Its not that i'm incapable of being in love. I'm just incapable of actually translating that feeling to actually.. I dont know.

Labels: not getting to my point, something from the soul

And I really just feel like blogging to procrastinate..:( but there's really nothing I want to blog about. Nothing I want to share with the world. There's something.. but not what I want to share with the world, till I could sort it out for myself.. By all means, my posts has been quite..uninspired. With no in depth meaning. Just hints of teeny-tiny part of my life. Which, does not account to a beautifully written post.

Labels: not getting to my point, Random

Planning an all-nighter. So this is uni life. Workload..and little time for play. its alright.. I need to do this..=)

Labels: career, everyday ku., exam, not getting to my point

OMG..this is my 567th post..=)) *paluk diri sendiri* gila atu sad..

Labels: 567, exam, not getting to my point

Im doing this for you my loyal reader(s) if any. [The blogging part that is, not the picture]

Labels: everyday ku., not getting to my point, Random, snapshots.

The other side, wants to break down and cry.

So when things seem to be fine, its not. I gotta stop qouting from my facebook status. But its true ya know. Back in the days, I used to qoute those to the title of my posts, but then, I dont think I'll ever change my layout, so thats outta the picture.
So for some reason this morning, I woke up with thoughts. Well that basically a duh..but this one thought was one that hit me with realisation.

Well, worse comes to worse, things wont change. So what if reality slapped me in that direction. But then again, for other things I have to see.. That just, sent me to a spiral. Maybe im overthinking this. I dont know. I gotta leave these thoughts. Ive got a paper next week. sigh.

Labels: keemosian, not getting to my point

They say, one of the best ways to go through something is to "sleep on it."

Labels: not getting to my point, Random, something from the soul

Ive left Brunei, here starts the journey.. Tomorrow to be exact.

Labels: 567, everyday ku., not getting to my point

have I blogged about being back?

And I miss going Bangkok..:( so much.. today i woke up, wishing I was waking up there. Then I spent like half an hour or so, looking through the pictures in facebook when I was there, and it didnt show alot..but still..:( Who couldve thought a place could grow on you..:( sedih eh.. Last trip, and I didnt have pictures to account for it. OMG!sad jua post ku ani..*menangis in agony*

So I was watching How I met your mother, and there's this sentence Lily said towards the end something like,

little things may change, but the important ones dont

Thats not per word, so its not qouted..So anyways, yeah..that made me understood..:) Like, I finally get it..:)

Labels: announcement., not getting to my point

Its really weird the way things change, and stayed the same.

Labels: everyday ku., not getting to my point, something from the soul

Im making it public. This is the way I live!WUUUUUUUUUUWWW!And gear up people. Im gonna start using the word..LEGENDARY!

Labels: announcement., everyday ku., not getting to my point, Random

Everyday you carve a smile, unaware of its unsincerity - if it does happen to be unsincere. You dont question, cause it never hit you. You never get if a smile should mean something or not. But then you know that it makes you feel good, and people seem to interact back. It was the time of your life. But eventually something would wipe it off your face, and you have no idea to regain it. Some just leave it at that, and stopped trying entirely, but there's you. You wouldnt wanna lose your valuable asset. You know you need it back. So every other day, you paint a smile. Aware of its insincerity, still hoping, you could regain, what you have lost.

==========================================
Every other person in this world, obviously have their ups and downs. Even in worse situations there's ups. Even in the best of situations there's downs. I dont get the point of blogging this down, cause Im just randomly typing whatever comes to mind. It made sense, but I dont know or know quite yet where its going.

So because I stopped to blog in the middle of something, I wont go on. If it boggles your mind, then good. It proves, your mind's doing alright. Otherwise, well..=))

Labels: not getting to my point, Random

Today, in class. Something hit me, (not literally, and yes alot of things has been "hitting" me) and it was not shocking, but more to.. I dont know, disappointing. Well not quite, it just pulls you down. I just realise, that because of my sort of "lobby" to not entirely post my life, I have also been posting unawesome piece of work. Or perhaps, whatcha call it, constant pieces. Like, no apa tu.. peningkatan?But then again, I dont really care about that. Its just that, my minds just seem like its been wrapped in an airtight box, and covered with something else, well you just very neatly wrapped, and with no escape, like you know.. Inda run as awesome as it did. Thats whats so..=(( I rely my intelligence on my you know, awesome imagination.


When I think of imagination or watch those awesome you know, stuff like narnia, or disney movies, or stuff with unicorns or whatever magical creature, I just automatically think back to my childhood. Cause you know, its like basically where I lived. A magical place. Well......Not literally. But you get the picture, but now, I noticed..(not that I noticed this during class, this part that I said I noticed, is what I noticed in class, so yeah back to what I was saying...) my imagination or dreams, are virtually zero!I think reality has gotten the best of me. Oh yeah, and this I just realised last night, two of my terrible years so far, are the years I found..*giggle* So aku malas sudah kan go on..SEE LOOK!Aku malas kan go on ah!Most of my posts ends this way!!Bleurgh!So yeah, I should go now. I have to showerr!!!WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!\m/
Connection sucks..!

Labels: not getting to my point, something from the soul

So its true, my last blog did seem macam Atul went off to marry some dude..sekali im like psyched yang its her first day/night of marriage!HAHAHHAHA!So what I meant wasnt macam atu..cause she didnt go to marry some dude.

So its the bbq thing tomorra..i dont think Ive written anything about it, but I just need to fill my blog, make it seem useful to read..Cause like what was in my blog, used to be macam an easy way for people to stalk me!WUUUUWW!ada hati kan berstalker..:P biartia wah!Bukan aku kacau kau anyways..!So as I was saying, bbq..which!I feel I am unprepared for..So imma just pop up like I have nothing to do with it..Cause Im uber cool..more epic then a trip for someoneee...wuuw!Jealous ku ni..hahah!So yeahh..*blanks out*

So my day..it was pretty *wiggles hand to show that it was so-so* had awesome dinner though!Which wouldve been awesome if id taken pictures of what I ate and finished!Crazy shit aku habis nasi and had space for more!wuuwwwwww!!Gila kali..my vocabulary nowadays just seem so..surfer girl!hahaha..which btw, I would try one of these dayss...Probably~ see what catches my eyes first. I think Im over Mark Salling, which is a pity cause he's so hot..eh wait..lemme correct myself..Puck!Not Mark Salling!but Puck, I had the hots for Puck, but I think it died out. Bummer!I still havent quite finish my assignment, been slacking off..which sucks, cause my assignment is just at the stage of essay making.Its so close bah!But things come up, I feel tired then just ^%*^*& )*dies away* ehe ehe!Bah..for now..I dont feel like babbling to my blog..So imma...log off..and babble to booboo.*giggles* bug yar minds some other time!

Labels: everyday ku., not getting to my point, Random

Intertwined in a spiral of love. Too much of both ends. What took it all apart, what made sense was how the day ended.

It had always been a spiral of motions.. It had always been a hell of roller coaster ride. But it was evident you, you couldnt be not part of of the motion. Without you, itll just be another broken ride.

=====================

WOW!I JUST SAW AN UBER HUGE CUPCAKE!I WANT IT BITCH!WANT IT!*cough* -_-" that just distracted my thoughts, and now all I can think about is that cupcake..*drools*

Its Saturday today..thought of going out, but I dont know who to bug about it. And the boyfriend has still not confirmed a shit..Sooooo.. I dont know..-_-" guess ill just be home. shucks!I have nothing much to blog about.. Im having my holidays now, and it hasnt really been productive..-_-" no serious update or no shit.. Its really bumming out, so Ive just been bumming out lately...nough said. HEY LOOK!ITS !!1123!and look i receive something from facebook!AND...err..nothing..i forgot..sooo..I think, since i have done nothing, and what I thought of doing will just be hanging in air..I shall bug off, since there's really nothing to blog about..soo yeahhhhh!!Go get screwed now!ohh yeahh~ *does that thing with the cross hands and shit* AHHAHAHAH!

Labels: not getting to my point, Random

I guess thats just life fascination, throwing lemons for basically no good reason. Well rotten lemons, ones you cant made lemonade of. But itll somehow scar. Lemons ironically scar you. Thats odd for something that can actually give you a jar of sweet sweet lemonade. If its rotten it really should be like icky and soft and gooey and nasty, but its - I guess is - hard and solid and pointy for how can it scar?Well perhaps not as deep as a scar but yeah there's something you can remember it by. I higly doubt people forgetting lemons. So Im guessing now, its not really lemons. Cause its really not making sense according to mine that is. So whats hard,yellow and could scar you?A flying brown cat?Perhaps.. A flying cat would be scared as hell being thrown in air like that, they basically have their claws out when they're scared.

I have an image in my head that I wanted to use, but apparently they dont have it on the first page of google..so this is the best I could find. So yeah.. I shall be off to sleep now.. Im really sleepy.. Ill be seeing boyfriend tomorrow. Hope things go well..

"setiap pembukaan hari, ada pembukanya. apa tam buat? senyum, kerna senyum adalah pembuka segalanya dan ia akan mebawa hingga kemalam hari. insya Allah." - Tammy.

Labels: not getting to my point, something from the soul