January 31, 2011

it doesnt feel the same...

knowing things, are just.....sigh..:'(

January 29, 2011

sigh..

January 29, 2011

I got my first upfront racist remark,

"she's running,she's running,she's running"

Okay..I may be paranoid..BUT like..whatever. AHAHAHHAHA..

January 29, 2011

Give it all?

To not have that one teeny part that says, "what about me?"

To not fear the next few steps in a relationship.

To be.. like the typical, normal, un-emotionally translating challenged person, that most people are.

Cause, for everytime.. I look at other people's relationship and..its just..different.

sigh.. I just cant go on typing this out...

i miss you. =']

January 27, 2011

January 25, 2011

January 24, 2011

its beautiful. Not that fact, but for some reason. The statement. If you listen to the sad songs of Bruno Mars, its like you feel part of your heart ripped out. I mean if I was one frustrated person.. I'd definitely listen to this..cry the hell out of my eyes. Well I did. ;x hahaha apakan..i just dont know how to put down the icon. So anyways, still with my work..another 200 would be fine..

okeh aku malas blog!

January 23, 2011

January 23, 2011

I keep on saying this over and over again. That I've lost my knack for blogging, Ive lost all meaning to produce, beautifully written posts that might be taken as someone's else own work. But really there's nothing, I dont know what the word is, from my life.

At most, i'll get response of a fucked up, inappropriate tard. Probably if I put down my thoughts and everything. And Ive really repressed all that opening up thing. I make my blog public, cause I really have no intention to like.. I really have no idea why people privatise their blogs.. I mean that is if its worth reading. If lah ah..

But like seriously, im always like..what?sigh..giggle-giggle,laugh the shit out, BITCH, sigh, laugh the shit out, BITCH!,what?,giggle-giggle...okay i know you might not get my point but ya know thats just how it is wah. Macam same old shit.

Well I dont know if other people say this..but I say "Cinta tetap cinta". Ya know, like no matter the distance,the time, what happened, LIKE SERIOUSLY..no matter what!Once youve felt it, Im pretty sure, it wont ever go away. Like if you were to say... thats wrong.. then it might just not be love. Catch my drift?

Really, Im tired with trying to define love, cause out of all people, im such a tard at it. But im pretty sure, it should be one easy thing. Ups and downs shit, arguments and happy times, id still think, it should an easy thing.

And you know, if youre gonna say the opposite of that, if youd think about it.. like thats what everybody says. Like..for one statement, there's always this other one opposing it. So you really cant be sure which is wrong which is right. Its really screwed I tell ya. Ya really cant just listen to people, and then you cant just listen to yourself. I dont know, if im just this one screwed person, who gets all confused, but really..

if you think about it.

January 23, 2011

So talk about being bummed. Its Saturday night. And my exciting plan is....*drum rolls* definitely buat kerja. Then Monday gonna chill for abit...THEN..do my other work..=] hopefully. I really really need to be somebody else. And..my exam..it was fucked up. I kept on thinking about it everynight..and what i couldve written down..=( sigh.... I know it wont account to an A or a B..but Im still hoping for it..:( I really am.. im so disappointed in myself. Its not that I didnt do enough revision. I just got striked out from writing more. Idiot. Sigh.. I gotta pull myself together..and battle the next five papers tremendously in May?

Cant wait for the Summer scene..=] but...REALITY WAH TU..REALITY..sigh..Im so confused right now.. Like with everything.. I really have to sort myself out.

Lastnight.. I went bawah, they were like..chilling saja, ada main monopoly, game, poker..others buat lain.-.- and i was part of the others..buleh jua lah...HAHAHAHA..pacah jua lah..HAHAHAHA...-.- apakan..so cause of that, slept arah si fids..went back at like 10ish?in the morning.. and i was like sneaking out..i literally did.. and screwed up thing was..i wasnt even sure if it was cold or not. -.-retarded kah?

I really wanna travel during summer, a few days pun okay wah.. and im such a pathetic loser. I just liked Oakley Uk..-.- oh my god.. i really should start back on my work.. here i go..*shivers* the temperatures way too cold.. and the terang2 shiz..im over it. so im with just one lampu.. and hmmm.. yeah. Sasya left this morning. She's going to Brunei.. And im gonna start semester Monday..same day imma hand in my assignment..-.- :( i feel soooo..down right now. Maybe its the night thats fucking it up..=] holla soon!

FYI!aku sasat ni new semester ah!and ive got one class di dean street like whot?!And i still havent done anything more to my assignment..im like soo...unmotivated..and omg!been eating the same thing day and night..today that is.. I dont know..something's screwed in my body.. maybe ill start eating again once uni starts..but till then..omg cant wait for tomorrow's dinner, when my kfc comes..and im all happy person. and i miss the kids this very moment... For some particular reason..Harith..and Yasmine has grown up such a pretty girl..though layah2..-.- okay why am i writing this down?its cause im looking at their picture..and I miss Andy..and Waie..abang?hmmmm..inda lah..HAHHHAHAH..kesian abang eh..and omg i wanna eat icecream for some reason (looking at the kids' picture) =] back to my main focus for the night.............

January 23, 2011

January 20, 2011

and omg!-.-

okay inda jadi omg..

but this would have to be the most weird pre-exam conversation i have. wth is this person tryna do..-.-

so anyways..exam's in 15hours?and I feel prepared!I am not..sure whats going on..or its just one of my new procrastinating ways?hmmmmmm....so anyways..yeah..i think i should look at the cases again..just to make sure..i remember em all..:D i hope ill do well..=))

January 19, 2011

January 19, 2011

January 16, 2011

January 15, 2011

January 15, 2011

..M. ♥ =]

I miss you.

January 14, 2011

ODAH!Aku dangar lagu sedih..so aku mcm..mau begambar sedih macam org frust. karang lah ku tonggeng2..frust menonggeng.wawawa..im so funny..like shit head no. screw you.

Sigh..today statrted on typical.. What made it another awesome day was getting my tv. Getting to skype with boo. Something happened lastnight.........

Lemonade was spilled on my carpet, and its not dry till I woke up this morning. I dont know if its even dry now.

And..omg yeah.. i dont remember...-.- sigh.. tadi i managed to study for over an hour. and actually enjoyed it. tomorrow i will study more..=) Okay.. i really blog the shit out of my head, but my mind is just in a bad place right now..=( soooo..im listening to babyface.

I wanna know things.. I wanna know, if signs are part of reality. I wonder now, if people and sense could ever mix. For some reason, I just had a flashback, of being back in Kampung. Like in the old days, when I was a kid. When everything was all play, nothing major really happened. Its cliche, but I want to relive those days. For some good reason, innocence was part of serenity, of something simple and happy.

Im cold, and I remember that one rainy night back home, being with boo..=']

sigh..

Something has gotten me thinking, and with no answer or some shit. You know like the kind of thought that just lingers, but doesnt really result to anything. Have you ever had those thoughts?That all you do is think of something, and thats that?sigh..

Okay..my mind's really not in a good place right now, and i basically just cant type stuff out. and im in the library at the moment..and...its 6pm.. and I miss Brunei..and I have an exam in a week?And im thirsty..sigh..

January 14, 2011

January 12, 2011

How many people in the world do I hate?one. her.

BANCI KU!ughhh!

what a waste of post.. but..im just so..sad about it..i mean..sigh..

January 11, 2011

Im feeling a tad bit better now. I still miss home, but its more okay now..=)

So I found out that I only have one exam...and so..im slacking for abit. Dont worries.. Ill try my best to overcome that. Ive got inspiration on my wall..=)) I hope theyll make me go through this.

I think one of my greatest weakness here iss....online shopping.. like really..im like here for just 3days, and ive already bought something online..-.-

So..im gonna head down for dinner tonight..for the past two days ive been in my room, first night no dinner, and last night chicken(present birthday kali ah) then off to sleep. Tonight, I hope could help me with my sleeping pattern..causeee....i dont want to be so jetlagged. I hate the thought, cause that just made me miss home..-.- okay okay..enough..sooo...hmmm..aku kan away from the laptop mmkay??=))

blog later!and ooh..check this out..stocked up!

January 10, 2011

And dad texted and Im like all............... sigh.

I dont know how to overcome this. I know its just awhile, and I know this is like sooooo over exxagerated, ive done this before and I was okay. Im just not that settled in yet. sigh.

I dont remember if I blogged this in my previous posts, but I.. remember being on the plane and feeling all depressed cause I remember the last time I was on a plane, and I was so excited..cause I was on my way back. :(

Then there was this other time, I couldnt sleep. So I closed my eyes, and imagined back to when I was on my first flight heading there, with my parents on my left, and brother in law on the right.

OMG!I AM SOOOOOOO....I dont know?emotional right now..:(

And this morning, after showering... I was like all sad again, cause i remembered the last time I showered (exclude the one yesterday) it was on the night, I was gonna head back..:( I remember how the night was... I remembered how that day went. I remembered how relieved I felt having landed in Bangkok, having to actually spent my 6hours in Asia. That I was actually back in Asia with Asians. (mostly) I remembered.. going out of BIA and seeing the faces of my parents, my sister and Syahmi's..:( I remembered how serene it felt. I remembered.

I remembered the first hug Andy gave, I remember the smile on the maid, I remember Wa'ie expressionless (well, straight and like huh? but not obvious) face. Seeing Sara for the first time. Going back to my room. Dinner with the family, second time stepping foot to Times Square, it was late, nada lah food. Omg..I remember..

sigh.. I dont know how long this will go on.. but i really need to stop. Sigh.. Im gonna head off now. Its time to study.

January 08, 2011

I have nothing to do.

sigh..

Kalau dirumah ada sudah the kids kan di kacau ni.

And for some reason I think my room smells like rumah kenanih di Bangkok dulu. Now I miss that place too.

January 08, 2011

It was why, leaving was hard.

So you really cant please yourself. You say this one time, then the other time, you just dont wanna be back in this room. I miss everyone. I feel like such a big baby. But I really miss everybody. ;(

And as tiring as travelling is obviously. I cant believe I had to go through it with a 27.9 kg worth of food. HORRIBLE!and the wheels to the bag was!!BLEAGH!And.....i missed two direct trains!The last one, I missed by just a few minutes.. sigh. But at least, ive made a run for it, or so it seems with a, not pull, but more of a square/rectangular bag with wheels!I try pulling on the tali or whatever it was..THE THING FELL OFF!!T.T on top of that.. (although we had breakfast three times in the plane crazy uhh?) I hadnt eaten. Well I sort off did, but...comeon!By the time I arrived, I was all out of energy.. I couldve just left the bag there. And thank god, di Chester this lady helped me out.. i hope she notices how grateful i was, by the number of times ive said thank you. and thank god, for giving me the idea to ask for assistance dari awal.. Mun inda wah...T.T

So...ive unpacked. Its not fully done yet..=] Ive got so many stuff..I dont have enough space!

I think I might just clear the space all my stuff is hogging then head to bed. Without proper dinner. Or dinner at all. Right now, im just soooo tired... I wouldnt care!Let tomorrow me handle that. But like seriously its just what..like 7 here..?But then again, I havent really slept. Let my studying be conveyed tomorrow. And im serious..=)

its for all the people I miss. Or at least..Ill try to..=)) So my eyes are getting really heavy now..=) i think i might just start unpacking..and head to bed soon. =)) blog tomorra. Maybe after or inbetween studying.

turra!

January 08, 2011

anyways...4 out of 4!

Mere coincidences ah.. Spent today with two bitches. Thanks guys.. Pictures to be uploaded soon I guess.. Might be tonight.. Will see..

I think I did all the things I wanna do.. And got everything i needed to get. Tomorrow, will spend time with the kids. Tadi had dinner with the family..=)

awwwhh..ill have to work for this..

It really feels heavy this time..:( like harder.. cause i know what im going back to..:( not that its much of a hell hole..but its not much compared to what I have here..=')

Okay..might just be exxagerating..=) Will be uploading pictures now.

January 05, 2011

January 04, 2011

Funny weird..hehehehe...

Leaving in a few days..:( 3days to be exact. Not psyched for an over than 2 hours flight....

Bleagh!Oh..its 2011 already.. I think I kinda blogged that.

Malas ku blog..aku kan turun liat cerita ghost.. turra nigga higga.

January 03, 2011

January 01, 2011